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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#amount #children #goods #toys #snacks #parents #advertisements #pressure #advertisers #information
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, the proliferation of
advertisements
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 related to
teenager's
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers'
show examples
 eatables or games is rising. The advocates believe that ads are beneficial
while
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 critics say that they have negative impacts on the minds of juveniles.
This
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 essay will delve into both viewpoints and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent advantage of
advertisements
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 in the lives of children is that they help them to get aware and more knowledgeable about products which are available in the market.
For instance
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, Amul milk and Amul butter are advertised on television on a regular basis, which motivates most kids to increase their intake of these in their daily lives because it helps them to get strong and grow faster.
Thus
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, most children do so, after getting influenced by the
advertisements
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.
However
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, there are a certain number of ads which have poor repercussions on the lives of individuals.
For instance
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, some soft drink or fried chip companies
also
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 encourage kids to drink or eat
such
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 food but in reality, they have pernicious effects on their bodies.
Furthermore
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, some highly expensive gaming equipment is
also
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 extremely eye-catching and expensive, some juveniles become more demanding after watching
such
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 ads but they are out of the budget of their guardians.
Thus
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, adverts prove to be useless in some circumstances. In my opinion,
advertisements
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 are the means of earning for certain companies,
therefore
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, if there is a ban on them by the government, it will not help. Meanwhile, some adverts teach teenagers good habits as well.
Hence
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,
instead
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 of opposing them, the parents and teachers should take some measures to encourage the children to follow only good pop-ups.
To conclude
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, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that both
advertisements
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 are positive and negative. It is possible with the efforts of guardians that their child should only get influenced by good adverts.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task response
Your essay tends to state points without fully developing them. Try to elaborate further on each point you make, providing more detailed explanations or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, but they could be more refined. Aim to offer a stronger thesis statement and a more impactful conclusion.
task response
You have done well in addressing both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
introduction and conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a good structure overall.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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