IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#men #women #care #appearance
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It is a common belief that nowadays both sexes are
attentive
Correct quantifier usage
more attentive
show examples
 to outward form than in the past. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons why and elaborate upon them with supporting points.
Firstly
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, money is the most thing that
necessary
Add a missing verb
is necessary
show examples
 to our life.
For instance
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, in the past, there were lots of wars because of poverty. At that same time, salaries
mostly
Add a missing verb
were mostly
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 spent on food but not enough money to buy.
Moreover
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, money was insufficient
diet
Change preposition
for diet
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 needs so they didn't think
to
Change preposition
about
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 their appearance not only economic conditions but
also
Linking Words
 all of their daytime almost entirely used on working. Because of being poor, they always
reliable
Replace the word
rely
show examples
 on themselves that they will obtain
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
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 life with standard living.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 day and age moneymaking has grown up so that our life becomes easier for us to survive.
For example
Linking Words
, these days, people feel more comfortable for the reason that exporting products to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 countries
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 income rise and in the
future
Add a comma
future,
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 it will make that become a developed country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people can easily put on
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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some clothes
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 high payment without
think
Change the verb form
thinking
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 just only owing to the fact that they love
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Technology
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
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 and everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to catch up on trend so they will be anxious when they do not have
good
Correct article usage
the good
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 things as the person
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
same age. In conclusion, appearance is important but it depends on time and your wages and it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 when you are suitable to be old-fashioned.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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