Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media

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It is thought that the privacy of celebrities should not be exposed to the public. I strongly agree with

this

statement because

such

material can be harmful to the figure and

also

private lives are

one

of the human rights and exposing it to the public can be breaking the law. Exposing

information

on a famous person's life to the public can lead to danger, not just to the person but

also

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

relatives.

This

is because revealing

such

knowledge can lead to unwanted comments or allegations, which can lead to great distress. In Indonesia

for example

, in 2017 there was a celebrity called Ariel who just got depressed and attempted to commit suicide because he could not hold the amount of hate comments coming to his family's private social media.

Furthermore

, exposing private

information

could lead to breaking the law since it is

one

of human rights.

This

is because privacy is

one

of the fundamental policies in our society and obtaining

one

of those should require consent.

Thus

, obtaining

this

type of

information

by force could lead to breaching and publicizing unwanted details. In Indonesia

for instance

, in 2018 Rizky

whose

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

one

of the big personalities in Indonesia got exposed to where he usually does his laundry and it led to people coming to that same place and giving discomfort feeling for him. In conclusion, I strongly support that celebrity privacy should not be the subject of interest to media because revealing

such

information

could destroy a celebrity's life, and the process of gathering the details can lead to crime

Submitted by rizkyrizalzal on Mon Oct 09 2023

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Task Achievement

Provide a more detailed and specific introduction that clearly states your position on the topic

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed and follow a clear structure

Lexical Resource

Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and expressions

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Watch out for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Invasion of privacy
Media scrutiny
Public persona
Personal autonomy
Sensationalism
Paparazzi
Tabloid journalism
Right to privacy
Mental well-being
Public interest
Ethical journalism
Celebrity culture
Gossip columns

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