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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believed that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness , however , others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness
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Money
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 is an integral transport to achieving success
an
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in
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 our
life
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, with many different aspects of
money
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 for obtaining
happiness
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 or not.
People
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 have different arguments about how it plays a role of
money
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 in our lives.
This
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 essay discusses both sides of
this
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 contentious argument before giving my own perspective. On the one hand, many
people
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 argue that
money
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 plays a more significant in the pursuit of success.
To begin
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 with, good finance allows
people
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 to ensure their safe quality of
life
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. To explain, when they have good finances, some
people
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 do not have to face any basic needs that it able stressful
such
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 as housing, food, and study. Not only that, one other benefit of
money
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 is that
people
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 can enjoy a multitude of free choices. In detail, those who don’t have to worry about basic needs will be comfortable pursuing what they have dreamed of.
Also
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, they may be thinking of bigger goals that are significant values for the community
such
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 as volunteer activities, singers, a
business man
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businessman
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, or even a politician.In
this
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 case,
money
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 invaluably improves individuals ’s spiritual quality of
life
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 which is of great importance in achieving
happiness
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.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
money
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 is not the only answer to a fulfilling
life
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.
Additionally
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, one factor related to the lack of
happiness
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 is that
money
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 may not bring true relationships. To explain, for many individuals who have a high income,
money
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 support their diverse aspect of
life
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,
nevertheless
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, it does not really helps to build good relationship
friends
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with friends
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 since it can surround them with an illusion that lead to they will be loneliness.
In addition
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, apart from wealth, another crucial factor that could be positive for many
people
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 may include well-being, good relationships family, and a happy marriage. In detail, there are many
people
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 who spend time
practicing
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practising
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 sports, they really value their health more than
money
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 as well.
Also
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, some
people
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 do not spend time earning
money
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, they only focus on taking care of their families or their partners.
As a result
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, sometimes, a fulfilling
life
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 may have nothing to do with
money
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. In conclusion, considering the merits associated with the given views, I am more convinced that
money
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 is the most significant element for achieving
happiness
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. My belief is based on the point that
money
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 has been understood as a rightful value and is a transport to pursue success.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the two opposing views and your opinion.
lexical resource
Use more precise vocabulary and avoid repetition.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar for a more fluent and accurate essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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