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Band 7

More safe space fro schools. Write a letter explain your view.

#space #schools
Dear Sir or Madam, I read your article about the need for safe outdoor space for students at schools, and I totally agree with Mr Dyer's position in
this
 field. I am a teacher so I can absolutely understand his opinion.
Firstly
, children need better classrooms and laboratories for specialized knowledge in every field. They
also
 need areas for socializing
such
 as a study area even a cafe or restaurant, and to develop their social skills like cooperation.
Secondly
, they need better atrium and courts
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to have balanced physical and mental health.
On the other hand
, the yearly minus budget for school development is spending on equipment. Schoolyards are mostly in poor condition. With broken benches, playgrounds, and courts. All these dangerous areas might lead students to injuries. Taking all of
this
 into consideration, I believe, that governments must raise school budgets to help students have a better quality of Knowledge, balanced physical and mental development, and safety. Proper supervision and safety policy in place can be achieved. Yours Faithfully, Maria Garcias
Submitted by mayiou on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the letter includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to improve the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Improve the greeting and closing of the letter to make it more formal.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph to focus on a single idea to improve coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the argument mentioned in the introduction to provide a more complete response.
task achievement
Use more formal language and expressions to maintain a suitable writing tone for the letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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