IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Head teacher, Marti Dyers, believes that safe outdoor space is important for keeping students in good health, mentally and physically. They need somewhere they can exercise and be sociable he says. At the moment many schools have dangerous areas where students might trip or have an accident. Write a letter explaining your view.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I read your article about the need for safe outdoor space for
students
Use synonyms
 at schools, and I totally agree with Mr Dyer's position in
this
Linking Words
 field. I am a teacher so I can understand his point of view.
Firstly
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, children need better classrooms and laboratories for specialized knowledge in every field.
Furthermore
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, they need areas for socializing,
such
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 as a study area even a cafe or restaurant.
Secondly
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, they need better atrium and courts, so as, to have balanced mental and physical health. through sports,
students
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 develop their social skills like cooperation.
On the other hand
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, the yearly minus budget for development is spending on equipment. Schoolyards are mostly in poor condition. With broken benches, playgrounds, and courts. All these dangerous areas might lead
students
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 to injuries. Taking all of
this
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 into consideration, I believe, that governments must raise budgets for schools to help
students
Use synonyms
 have better Knowledge, balanced physical and mental development, and safety. With Proper budgets and supervision, safety can be achieved. Yours Faithfully, Maria Garcias

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your own view and opinion in the letter.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single idea or topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your greeting and closing are appropriate and formal.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more specific and detailed examples to support your points.
grammatical range and accuracy
Check for grammar and punctuation errors throughout the letter.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
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