Teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree?

#teenagers #community #work #time #benefit

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Teenagers

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should involve

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unpaid

community

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work in their free

time

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This

Linking Words

brings

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

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both for them and the

community

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. I totally agree with that opinion.

Linking Words

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

activities protect them from bad habits and decrease

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crime

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the crime

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rate.

Community

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works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

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has several different advantages

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for

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

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Firstly

Linking Words

, they learn to manage their free

time

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which important skill for

build

Wrong verb form

building

show examples

Correct article usage

a succesfull

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succesfull

Correct your spelling

successful

career and

maintain

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maintaining

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their daily life.

Secondly

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, Before become

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apply

show examples

addictive

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show examples

some

harmfull

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harmful

activities,

such

Linking Words

as watching porn and playing online games,

people

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need to spend

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too

show examples

much

time

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on these actions. If

teenagers

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spend their

time

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community

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work, they do not have

time

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for

another things

Replace the adjective

another thing

other things

show examples

to do that can

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be harmfull

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harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

harmfully

for

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show examples

them. It

also

Linking Words

helps to build

strong

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a strong

show examples

community

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. When

people

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help

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apply

show examples

the

society

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without money and create

free

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a free

show examples

workforce,

this

Linking Words

means the

society

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can spend

this

Linking Words

money

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show examples

different

reseources

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resources

rather than hire

people

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for basic

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works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, with

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

savings

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savings,

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they can help the elderly or the poor

people

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Also

Linking Words

, young

people

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can be dangerous

for

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show examples

the local

community

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because of their

crime

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potential. Until the twenties,

people

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can

Verb problem

were

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easily manipulated because they are lack of with critical thinking ability and

gangster

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gangsters

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knows

Wrong verb form

knew

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this

Linking Words

fact.

This

Linking Words

lead to

use

Correct article usage

the use

show examples

Use synonyms

teenagers

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of teenagers

show examples

basics

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basic crimes

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crime

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that

Add a missing verb

are harmfull

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harmfull

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harmful

to locals but when they have

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works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

to do, they do not have

time

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to commit

crime

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because their daily life goes

through

Rephrase

apply

show examples

from

schools

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school

show examples

Use synonyms

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

. In conclusion,

people

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should spend their free

time

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Change preposition

show examples

their

Change the word

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early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

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with

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works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

that

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

society

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This

Linking Words

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

growth

Correct article usage

the growth

show examples

responsible

Change preposition

of responsible

show examples

teenagers

Use synonyms

and they will build

stronger

Add an article

a stronger

show examples

and

healthy

Replace the word

healthier

show examples

society

Use synonyms

Submitted by airbender on Mon Oct 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas more clearly to improve coherence.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.

grammatical range accuracy

Pay more attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
50
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

mandatory
unpaid community work
benefit
responsibility
empathy
valuable skills
positive impact
community
social integration
cultural understanding
personal growth
self-confidence

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Teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The gap between rich and poor is growing. What problems does this create? What can be done to tackle this.

Nowadays some professions such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries.

Some claim newspapers are the best means to get the most recent information because they have more influence than other forms of media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in order to succeed, people require certain personality traits. what are these traits? what else is needed to succeed

Social media is an essential part of young people’s lives nowadays, but its impact is often criticized. What are the advantages and disadvantages of social media in teenagers’ and young adults’ lives?