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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

9.The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

9.The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The line chart below displays the number of
cases
Use synonyms
 of car theft, house
burgling
Replace the word
burglary
show examples
 and street robbery in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom and Wales from 1970 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car stealing increased significantly over the entire time period.
While
Linking Words
robbery
Correct article usage
the robbery
show examples
 of houses rose moderately. At the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 there were 0.4
million
Use synonyms
cases
Use synonyms
 of car theft,
this
Linking Words
 grew steadily to 1
million
Use synonyms
 over the next 10
years
Use synonyms
, before increasing dramatically
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 0.6
million
Use synonyms
 in the next 5
years
Use synonyms
. From 1995
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 crime
cases
Use synonyms
 started to drop sharply,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 in 2005 it went back to 1
million
Use synonyms
, maintaining its position
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the most committed crime. In 1970, 0.2
million
Use synonyms
 house burgling happened, it doubled in the first five
years
Use synonyms
, from 1975 to 1980,
this
Linking Words
 steeply peaked, where in 1980 there
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 around 0.9
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases
Use synonyms
, in the same year it started to fall moderately to 0.6
million
Use synonyms
 in 1985. From 1985 to 1990, it slightly rocketed to approximately 0.7
million
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 was maintained during the next five
years
Use synonyms
 and during the
last
Linking Words
 10
years
Use synonyms
 it
felt
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 modestly, ending the period at just over 0.5
million
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cases, million, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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