IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
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It is common these days that the transfer of
money
Use synonyms
 to anyone can be done
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. As far as I am concerned,
this
Linking Words
 development can be positive in some aspects and negative in others, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, accessing the
internet
Use synonyms
 is very easy nowadays and
this
Linking Words
 can highly affect the amount of effort and time anybody should put in order to transfer
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being able to track your account
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your smartphone
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time of the day is a
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
 saver. By way of example, individuals prefer to connect to the
internet
Use synonyms
 and manage their bank accounts and savings easily
while
Linking Words
 having breakfast rather than getting stuck in traffic or
wait
Wrong verb form
waiting
show examples
 in a long line of customers just to transfer an amount of
money
Use synonyms
 each week or even on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, technology and the use of electronic devices can be hard for some people like the older generation
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are less used to using gadgets and
this
Linking Words
 update of the
money
Use synonyms
 transferring system can contribute to confusion for them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, new methods of scams are produced by thieves that can trigger mostly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 of
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 age
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are less likely to notice details when they use the
internet
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 what has been discussed in the above paragraphs, there are many positive sides
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 as your banking assistant,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative effects to
this
Linking Words
 trend that can lead people to confusion or in some cases they could be a target of scandals and
this
Linking Words
 means that they may need more protection in their online activities.
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task response
Make sure to address both the positive and negative aspects of the development in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more diverse and varied words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve accuracy and precision in communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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