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Writing Samples
Band 6

The influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solutions can you suggest? Beka

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Human impact on the planet’s ecosystem is driving species to extinction and reducing biodiversity.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons behind
this
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 issue and suggest various solutions to address it. First and foremost, the main reason why our biosystem suffers is that people need more space every year, which is why there is urbanization of places where wild
animals
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 used to live or wild plants used to grow. Because of its negligence towards other creatures that live with us on the same planet, the
government
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 does not think about where
animals
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 will need to live, they take away their homes and build their own structures in their place.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 a very strong factor is poaching, which causes
animals
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 that are already on the verge of extinction to suffer, many people hunt for fun, others for money, but they have one thing in common,
that is
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 that they harm
animals
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.
For example
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, in Kazakhstan we have
such
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 a beautiful animal as the saiga, the population of which decreased by 50 times between 1993 and 2003, there were only 20 thousand of them left at that time.
This
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 happened because of poaching, people never know when to stop and never stop even in the face of the threat of extinction of an animal. To solve
this
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 problem, the
government
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 needs to intervene. Our
government
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 should allocate money for the
protection
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 of nature,
for
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and for
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 the construction of reserves. Create laws that will prohibit the extermination of
animals
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,
ensure
Correct word choice
and ensure
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 that new buildings do not harm the environment. The
government
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 can
also
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 create environmental
protection
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 programs that will be financed. These programs will help those who will promote environmental
protection
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.
For example
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, constructing contemporary zoos with suitable habitats can aid in conserving many endangered species, including Amur tigers, which face threats from poaching and habitat loss. In conclusion,
due to
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 the increasing demands of man, the environment suffers and if
this
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 is not stopped,
then
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 soon we will live in a lifeless wasteland. In order to fix
this
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, we need the help of the
government
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, since it is the
government
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 that depends on the construction of reserves and the funding of environmental
protection
Use synonyms
 programs.

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language variety
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the fluency of your writing. Avoid repetitive phrasing such as 'the government' by using synonyms or referring to ‘authorities’ or ‘administration’.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear progression of ideas, and try to link your points more explicitly. For example, at the end of each paragraph, reiterate how the discussed point directly connects to the loss of biodiversity.
task achievement
In your solutions section, including more specific examples of successful programs or initiatives from other countries could strengthen your argument and provide clearer understanding of the proposed solutions.
structure
Your introduction clearly states the topic and provides a roadmap for your essay, which is effective for the reader.
example
The specific example of the saiga from Kazakhstan provides a compelling illustration of the issue of poaching and enhances the credibility of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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