IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In the future, people will work fewer hours at their jobs. To what extent do you agree with it? Please support your opinion with your own experience.

#future #people #work #hours #jobs #support
It is often thought by some that there will not be required long
hours
 of
work
 in any field in future. I fundamentally agree with the given statements. Apparently , Advancement in technology has brought numerous benefits to humans. It can automate repetitive tasks which leads to
reduce
Replace the word
a reduction
show examples
 in
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for human labour. It has been proven in research that shorter
work
hours
 can lead to increased productivity and efficiency. In simple words,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 often
obesrved
Correct your spelling
obvious
 that
performance
Correct article usage
the performance
show examples
 of employees
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 efficient in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
hours
 of their jobs and it seems lesser
effictive
Correct your spelling
effective
 and dull.
Moreover
, people
stated
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
 realizing that not only
earing
Correct your spelling
earning
show examples
 is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 thing they would fight for but
also
 well-being can equally contribute to
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
 life.
Therefore
, they are
apporchig
Correct your spelling
approaching
 part-time job options for
overall
 well-being.
Along with
 that, part-time jobs and job sharing can assist people
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
. It is hard to deny that with drastic increases in population and changes in
workplaces
Add a comma
workplaces,
show examples
 it is hard to provide livelihood to everyone. In conclusion, I would say reducing traditional
hours
 of
work
 can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
as well as
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the nation.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 it could bring more positive responses to
work
 and
serves
Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
show examples
 everyone with the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 employment.
Submitted by sharmap1811 on

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task achievement
You have successfully presented your viewpoint on the given topic and have attempted to support your opinion with reasons and examples. However, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly organized and connected. Develop each point more fully to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between ideas and paragraphs to provide a smoother reading experience. This will also improve the coherence of your essay.
general
Take care to address grammatical errors and spelling mistakes to improve the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, and your main ideas are generally well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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