Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

There are two different points of view on how to succeed in

life

First,

success

life

comes from

one

determination

and hard

work

while

the other view thinks that there is much more variable that can depend on

one

success

such

appearance

and money. Undoubtedly, hard

work

will not betray the result, say some

people

Furthermore

, when

someone

has a strong

determination

, it will be difficult for anyone to stop him from reaching his goals. By working hard and having a strong

determination

one

will likely find

success

life

in a short time. Take an Indonesian singer, Natasha

for example

. She had a strong

determination

since she was a kid, and with her hard

work

, she managed to succeed in her music career.

Nevertheless

, there are

also

other factors that can affect

someone

success

life

, and usually,

someone

who has these factors is

someone

who has a privilege

such

as a rich or well-known family.

Someone

with

such

privileges will indeed receive more money and relations that will help their stairway to

success

than others that are not. Nowadays, many

people

treat

someone

according to

their

appearance

, especially visual

people

, and having a good

appearance

also

one

of the privileges that can

someone

have.

For instance

, crazy rich

people

have more choices and opportunities for what they want to do for

life

. And even if they fail in something because they are not working hard, they will not suffer that much since they still have many backup plans. In conclusion, hard

work

and

determination

obviously have an impact on

someone

success

life

, but for other

people

who are born with privileges,

such

as money and

appearance

, it will be easier for them to find

success

life

Submitted by ditajulaikaputri on Mon Oct 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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