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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all schoosubjects. But, others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject thatthey are best at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both these viewsand give your own opinion.

When it comes to core
subjects
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, people's opinions vary. Some argue that
students
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 should focus on academic
subjects
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,
while
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 others believe that they ought to learn what they are interested in. From my perspective, I side with the latter. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, there is no doubt that learning academic
subjects
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 is beneficial to
students
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. If they do well in academic
subjects
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, they will get the chance to receive
high-level
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a high-level
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 education and thereby have more opportunities to secure better jobs.
For instance
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, a teenager who develops strong skills in mathematics and science can later pursue careers in engineering or medicine. Not only can they obtain a decent job, but they can
also
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 contribute to society—adequate talent supply enhances a country's innovation capability, strengthens industrial resilience, and drives rapid economic development.
On the other hand
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, interest-based learning enables people to have more flexible career choices. Not every student has the same talent for learning core
subjects
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, so they should be allowed to explore what they truly like,
such
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 as art or music. Take Quan Hongchan, a renowned diver with numerous Olympic achievements, as an example. She once mentioned her poor academic performance but discovered her talent in diving; her parents
thus
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 encouraged her to focus on systematic diving training
instead
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 of academic study.
Therefore
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, it is essential that interest-based learning can cultivate
students
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' potential, even helping them achieve greater accomplishments. In my opinion,
students
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 should develop the fields they excel
in
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apply
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. As an old saying goes, "Interest is the best teacher." Only by doing so can
students
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 achieve
self-actualization
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self-actualisation
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 and thereby give back to society. In conclusion,
while
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 academic learning is undoubtedly beneficial,
students
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 should be allowed to choose what they love—interest-based learning better suits their long-term development.

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strength
You handle both view and your own view well. Keep this pattern, but add more links between ideas to help the flow.
tip
Add more counter points and show why your view is better.
tip
Use more examples, not just one famous person. Show more real life facts or data.
tip
Check small mistakes in grammar. Use short, clear sentences to avoid errors.
improvement
Use more simple linking words to connect ideas.
strength
Clear view and easy to follow idea.
support
Good use of examples to back up points.
structure
Strong ending that restates your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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