In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The
last
50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the longevity of humans in various parts of the world. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether this
is a positive or negative trend. While
there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this
essay I would contend that the advantages of the ageing population are incomparable with its drawbacks. Two of the primary reasons for this
are as follows.
First of all, it is an indisputable fact that providing the opportunity to utilize these generations’ experiences in various aspects of managing a country could be accounted as an invaluable asset. According to
the statistics, a salient example of this
could be Japan country, which, rehires retired individuals in more prominent management positions in order to gain the most efficient benefits. So rather than viewing them as outdated people, providing the opportunity to implement their worthwhile ideas would contribute to benefit the whole country.
Yet perhaps the strongest argument in favour of this
opinion is the fact that despite the expenses spent for their treatment or their insurance, they could play a supportive role for their children and grandchildren. As the expenditure of life has soared in recent years and both parents have to work in order to afford the costs of life, grandparents could take the responsibility of caring for their children. So, implementing more effectively at work is more likely as worries related to the care of children are alleviated by the support of elders.
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the ageing population is accounted as the grace of god. Thus
, rather than neglecting them as hassles to governments, they have significant potential for the advancement of societies.Submitted by golriiz23 on
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Task response
Your essay excellently addresses the topic, presenting a clear and well-developed argument. You might consider diversifying your sentence structures further to enhance readability and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've shown great skill in logically structuring your essay, clearly delineating between introduction, body, and conclusion. To enhance cohesion, consider varying your linking phrases and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
Examples
Your use of specific examples, like Japan's approach to rehiring retired individuals, significantly strengthens your argument and provides clarity.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, clearly stating your position and efficiently summarizing your main points.
Balance
You've skillfully addressed both sides of the argument before presenting a reasoned conclusion, demonstrating a high level of task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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