Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media

A lot of people believe that their

concentration

decreases a lot because of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social networking. I totally agree with

this

statement, social

media

destroy

Correct subject-verb agreement

destroys

show examples

our

attention

and

distracting

Wrong verb form

distracts

show examples

us from our family and work. In the modern world, human

attention

are

Change the verb form

show examples

less than a

gold fish

Correct your spelling

goldfish

show examples

. People used to have stronger

concentration

old days,

the

Correct word choice

but the

show examples

moment

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

invented

Add a missing verb

was invented

show examples

people

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

more and more distracted.

For instance

, my sister when she was

Change preposition

show examples

her 20s

she

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

was successful at work her

concentration

was 100% great.

However

Change preposition

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

her 30s first social

media

platform

created

Add a missing verb

was created

show examples

Correct word choice

and her

show examples

her

Correct word choice

and her

show examples

productivity at work decreased. She

assume

Wrong verb form

assumed

show examples

that she become addicted to social

media

she

Correct word choice

and she

show examples

couldn’t handle a few minutes without checking the

platform

Secondly

, social networking

are

Change the verb form

show examples

really addictive it can take our brain to another world without realizing that we are distracted from the real life around us.

For example

, I used to focus

Change preposition

show examples

my studies, but when

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

start

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

using

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

concentration

decreases

Wrong verb form

decreased

show examples

a lot. I usually grab the phone to check one message but when I see a notification from any social

media

platform

SnapChat

Correct your spelling

Snapchat

or Instagram or Twitter, I start scrolling

Change preposition

through

show examples

the pages and I can not stop for hours.

This

made my focus drop down in my studies and my grades

goes

Wrong verb form

went

show examples

down.

To conclude

, it is really scary how human

attention

drop

Change the verb form

drops

show examples

down

insanelly

Correct your spelling

insanely

the

Correct article usage

show examples

few years. In my opinion, social networking should be managed or our

attention

will

decreases

Change the verb form

decrease

show examples

more.

Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on Mon Oct 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Focus on developing a clearer and more cohesive structure for your essay. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner.

task achievement

Ensure that your response is well-developed and directly addresses the question prompt. Your ideas should be more specific and comprehensive in order to fully address the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages？
Use of various online platforms for connectivity and staying updated with the current affairs is the new normal in todays world. While every new technology has its pros and cons, this essay with outline how these platforms are a boon to the mankind.
9
band
You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately, you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time. Write a letter to the library. • explain what has happened • tell them what you want to do about it.
I am writing this letter to explain why I have been unable to return the three books I have out on a three-day loan, which are now overdue. After taking the books out on 16th March, I had an urgent phone call from my elderly aunt's neighbour to say that my aunt had had a fall and had been taken into hospital. I am her only surviving relative in this country, so I felt I had to go and see her immediately. I travelled down to Surrey the following morning, thinking I would stay for only two or three days. Unfortunately, my aunt 's condition has only improved very slowly, so I have had to stay here longer than expected. However, the hospital says that if all goes well, she should be able to go home in two or three day's time, in which case I will be back at the beginning of next week.
4
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positve or negative situation?
New days,having a home instead of renting, it is a necessary in this statement . It is a positive way to reaching to stable . This good sign for society. In my opinion, paying home it is a positive situation. In this essay we talk about what the reason to having your home and what the result in the nation and why the renting it is a negative thing.
5.5
band
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and or experience. "Truce any relevant examples from your own knowledge
Financial illiteracy used to be the biggest problem of my childhood. Though, my mother had an average salary and some bonuses from my father as child support. Even though, my mom did not have enough financial knowledge to manage money effectively. I really did not have an idea what was happening due to my young and silly mind. As a big brother for my sister and an assistant for my mother, I had to find a way to abandon this paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle. I began to study financial literacy by reading Robert Kiyosaki's books and listening to interviews of successful traders and investors such as Warren Buffett, and George Soros. This was just fundament, afterward, I volunteered to be a financial assistant to the mother. Since then, I realised that I want to interconnect my life with money management.
5.5
band
Some people believe the professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.
Some people believe that professionals, such as physicians, technical professionals and engineers, should be allowed to work in another country after completing their training while others opine that they should be required to work in the country where they received their education and training. This essay will explore both these views and argue that they should be required to work in the country where they completed their training.

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Social media enable people to keep in touch with each other and learn about news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages？

You borrowed some books from your school or college library. Unfortunately, you have to go away to visit a sick relative and cannot return the books in time. Write a letter to the library. • explain what has happened • tell them what you want to do about it.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be the case? Do you think this is a positve or negative situation?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and or experience. "Truce any relevant examples from your own knowledge

Some people believe the professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.