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Band 4

Children are addicted to smart phone. Causes and solution?

#children #phone
Nowadays, many parents might have seen that
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids were addicted to mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 almost all the
time
 when they lived in the house. Some people suggest that we should get rid of these things if our children
are stick
Change the verb form
are sticking
are stuck
show examples
 with these
divices
Correct your spelling
devices
. From my point of view, I
Verb problem
apply
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am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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disagree with the
fromer
Correct your spelling
former
 view and my
Replace the word
supportive
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support
Replace the word
supportive
show examples
Correct your spelling
information
informations
Correct your spelling
information
 will be shown in the following paragraph before the conclusion
inclined
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Frist
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 and foremost, It is so clear that young people in
this
 century tend to live with technological devices longer than the previous
time
 and it is just the
way
 that
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the world
is develop
Change the verb form
is developing
is developed
show examples
 far from the past.
In other words
, technologies have a lot of benefits
such
 as knowledge and information for the young generation which are updated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. so we cannot escape
this
 fact. By the
way
, it is a really bad thing if the children are obsessed
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 equipment too much
instead
 of spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 with the family or playing outside activities so the parents have to control
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 screen
time
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right
way
.
However
, the sources of these problems might
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 these causes.
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, from the loneliness because when the
childs
Correct your spelling
child
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 alone smart
phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 is just
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 friend for them so it might
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 a problem if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
play
too
Change preposition
for too
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 long.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media is a dangerous place for them because it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of temptation like
clickbaits
Correct your spelling
click baits
clickbait
 or
dark-websites
Correct your spelling
dark websites
show examples
 which the family should eye on them.
Lastly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friends have a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their choices and in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 it
Add a missing verb
is bacause
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bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 they want to play together in
online
Add an article
the online
show examples
 world. All in all,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 have both sides and the parents should
be
Verb problem
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
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 important role for the young that should manage
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the right
way
 and find some benefits to expand their curiosity in
these equipment
Change the determiner
this equipment
show examples
 so they will have the maximise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefit in
this
 thing.
Submitted by ChampJT on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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