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Band 4.5

You recently won a photography competition and your photo is going to be shown in an exhibition. ● Invite your friend for the exhibition.  ● Please describe the competition prize and about the photograph  ●Invite your friend.

#photography #competition #photo #exhibition #friend #prize #photograph #●invite
Dear Lisa, It has been a
while
 since I talked to you or met you in person. So, I hope that everything will be with you. Anyway, I am writing to request you to accompany me to a photography invitation which will be held on January 19. Because the painting I put in the
exhibition
 was valued at 5000 dollars. The
exhibition
 will be held under the open sky in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I am asking you to go with me because I'm sure you like shows like
this
. Another amazing thing happened. You artists and several other top
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
show examples
 are going to show their paintings in the
exhibition
.
Besides
, there will be some famous paintings and artists, and I know how much you will like it. So let me know what you think about the idea. If you are really interested in accompanying me to the show, let me know within a few days so I can pre-order tickets for both of us. See you at the
exhibition
then
. Best wishes, Jessica
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introductory and concluding statements were not well-separated from the main body of the letter.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow within paragraphs. Although the main points are supported, transitions between sentences could be smoother.
task achievement
While the response attempts to address the prompts, it would benefit from a clearer focus on the prize's description and specifics about the photograph itself. Give more detailed information about the competition and the photograph to better fulfill the task.
task achievement
Clarify ideas and make them more comprehensive by avoiding repetition and including more varied and detailed examples. Include specific details about the event, time, and place to make it more vivid for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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