IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A few people hold the idea that skilled players are icons for the future generation,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others believe that their appalling behaviours impact badly the juvenile. To some extent, I support both of the given opinions. In the forthcoming paragraph,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay shall propagate the statements in detail.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, famous people are always followed by the common population
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as their lifestyles, manners, kindness and so on. It is not surprising if young people adopt behaviour from their icons. These types of behaviour can positively and negatively impact youngsters. When we are juveniles, we choose someone as our role model whom we love to copy in our real life. The person can be anyone but most of the time it is a well-known player in the country.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, cricket is one of the most popular games in Bangladesh.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, adolescents here consider the cricketers as their role models. When they see cricketers help needy folk, they organise several events to help others. Alternatively, if a cricketer
acker
Correct your spelling
hacker
Acker

If you don’t want acker to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

behaves down to earth, they
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 subconsciously
adapts
Correct subject-verb agreement
adapt

It seems that the verb adapts does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 to the same norms.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
good
Correct article usage
the good

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 acts of renowned athletes spread good activities in society.
On the contrary
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the adverse behaviours of their favourite players affect the future generation in an adverse way. If a game person smokes publicly it will influence the adolescents. To add up, they will assume being a smoker is not a bad thing and is acceptable to smoke in an open space even though surrounded by many folks.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, during a live match if the team members fight with each other it will encourage their teen supporters to do the same when they play with their classmates or friends. It will be a normal habit for them to quarrel as they had been noticed the same
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 watching their icons in the live match.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as famous individuals are being copied by the latest generation, they have to be careful when they appear in public. They can not only bring positivity to the culture but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 spread negativity to the nation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs to improve coherence and clarity.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a range of synonyms to demonstrate lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on sentence structure and variety to enhance grammatical range and accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: