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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education
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In the 21st century, most of the people focus on achieving
success
 in careers or studies.
Success
 can be important to many citizens
due to
 various reasons
such
 as family background and the prosperity of future generations. In
this
 essay, these factors
along with
 my opinion towards the
success
 will be discussed.
To begin
 with,
success
 may be vital to individuals in different aspects.
For instance
, a member of a rich family might need to be successful in their family businesses, as they pass the ownership from one generation to the other.
Therefore
, it is of utmost importance for that industry to win customers' attitudes and show improvements in profits.
Moreover
, some citizens need to improve their current living style and get rid of the prevailing poverty.
Thus
, someone in that house needs to be educated well and acquire a well-paid job in order to save others.
Therefore
,
success
 is a valuable factor that can lead to the betterment of not only ourselves but
also
 the people who live with us.
According to
 my view,
success
 should come
along with
 happiness and self-satisfaction
at the end
 of the day, even though we have achieved the target. To illustrate
this
, if we only focus on our goals and work hard to achieve those, we might lose relationships and be separated from our
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
This
 can lead to stress and loneliness at later ages in our lives. In conclusion,
success
 is not only the completion of final targets, these should be achieved
along with
 happiness
while
 keeping the bonds with others.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

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Task achievement
Make sure to use a variety of complex structures and vocabulary to clearly communicate your points. This will enhance the quality of your essay.
Task achievement
Including more specific examples would enhance the relevance and depth of your arguments, providing a stronger base for your conclusions.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs, improving the flow of your essay.
Coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, conclusion, and body paragraphs.
Task achievement
You've effectively communicated a personal view on success, making the essay engaging and reflective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
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