IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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School is one of the first interactions and
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 in a society
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
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children
Use synonyms
 can coexist.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they can
experience
Use synonyms
 many types of
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and the subjects prove it, they can imagine doing things,
dream
Correct word choice
and dream
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 about
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 futures.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
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 off
this
Linking Words
 imagination and expectation of living
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
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children
Use synonyms
 is disgusting. A child could be an
experience
Use synonyms
 of anything that
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 your knowledge
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 physical education and cookery.
Childhood it's
Remove the pronoun
Childhood's
show examples
 a time of
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 which means
capable
Add a missing verb
being capable
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 of right or wrong, understanding what
right
Add a missing verb
is right
show examples
 or wrong of course with
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 adult by your side to tread the path. Normal subjects
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 maths, science and so on do not
shapes
Change the verb form
shape
show examples
 your own character, knowledge
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 arts and physical can help people as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 as the basic subjects.
This
Linking Words
 pressure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 succeed academically so quickly with under
twenty
Use synonyms
 years old it's because of the toxic "positive
life
Use synonyms
" in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media of course. We used to
saw
Correct your spelling
say
show examples
 just
beauty
Use synonyms
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere as
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body
beauty
Use synonyms
,
a face
Correct word choice
facial
show examples
beauty
Use synonyms
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
beauty
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
rich
Change noun form
person's
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
beauty
Use synonyms
 that we don't stop to analyse that
this
Linking Words
 can be fake
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
actually
this
Linking Words
 social media movement occurs one or two times a year in the
life
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 person and
this
Linking Words
 movement
of course
Add the comma(s)
, of course,
show examples
 cause an anxiety and unhealthy expectations in the
life
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
, because in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
twenty one
Add a hyphen
twenty-one
show examples
 century in two thousand
Use synonyms
twenty three
Add a hyphen
twenty-three
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 has contact with internet (that has positive and negative bullets). I think that parents in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
twenty
Correct your spelling
twentieth
show examples
 century should have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
extremely
Change the word
extreme
show examples
 observation into
children
Use synonyms
 and
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their perceptions in
life
Use synonyms
 to help them in
cause
Add an article
the cause
show examples
 of dysfunction themes that they weren't supposed to argue
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their ages.
Submitted by massallys on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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