IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #lives #celebrities #media
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Nowadays,
daily
Add an article
the daily
a daily
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 routine of many celebrities is being widely shared on different media. I agree with those who think that the personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of these names should not be revealed. In fact, proponents of sharing celebrities’ private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 believe that the
fans
 can become aware of their activities and, imitate them in order to become as successful as that star in future.
For example
, if they see when Bill Gates goes to bed every night, they would go
for
Change preposition
to
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 sleep at the same time. Actually, the
fans
 are seeking the key
of
Change preposition
to
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 these unique people’s success.
However
, I believe only
small
Correct article usage
a small
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 number of
fans
 are into celebs’ daily
life
 because of
this
 reason. Most of them usually look for
personality’s
Change noun form
personality
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 images
Correct pronoun usage
that appeared
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appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
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 in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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tabloid newspapers and
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 reading distorted
news
 about the stars’ personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Unfortunately, they only care about some unimportant aspects of these well-known people’s
life
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lives
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,
such
 as their wealth and relationships. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 publicizing
news
 about superstars’
life
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lives
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 will not only prevent them
to enjoy
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from enjoying
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 their privacy, but
also
 it helps some invasive speculations to spread even more. Celebrities usually complain about lack of privacy, because there are always intrusive cameras around which record all of their moments.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo, a famous football player, was interviewed and asked what bothers him the most. He expressed that he has never gone to a park with his children and he called
this
 his unreachable dream.
This
 means that famous
peoples
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people
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 cannot enjoy being with their family like an ordinary person.
Furthermore
, publishing personal
news
 about celebrities can result in
increasing
Wrong verb form
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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gossips
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gossip
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.
This
 is because there are always many individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society who want to exploit celebs by spreading artificial
news
. In fact, they do
this
 attention-grabbing action in order to achieve fame. In conclusion,
although
 only a few numbers of
fans
 want to learn from their star, I completely disagree with publicizing celebrities’ private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by newshaa.ghorbannia on

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by considering counterarguments and addressing them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve organization.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples.
grammatical range accuracy
Include more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
What to do next:
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