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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In some cultures,
children
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 are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving
children
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this
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 message? Some
parents
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 want the best for their
children
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, so they tell their
children
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 to put more effort into achieving their
parents
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' goals. In
this
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 essay will be discussed the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 statement. On the one hand, motivating your
children
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 and supporting them is the best way to build their future life.
To begin
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 with, many mothers want their
children
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 to become doctors or engineers, to, have a high salary, and be independent of others in adulthood.
In addition
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, many researches showed that
children
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 motivated and supported by their family in childhood are more likely to work in high-ranked jobs.
Furthermore
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, showing them that they achieve everything or whatever they want can create strong self-confidence.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 should not encourage their
children
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 to do impossible things if they do not have a chance to support them in the future. To start with, many people want their
children
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 to be wealthier than them,
however
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, telling and sometimes forcing them to become someone they do not want can destroy the child's mental state and lead to suicide.
For example
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, in recent years a female student who believed in herself could not pass the exam with high marks and left a message about "how she can look at her father's face with shame" before her suicide. In conclusion, supporting your
children
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 is the best thing that
parents
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 can do,
however
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, making them believe in something that they could not make the
children
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 suffer in the future. It is not always recommended to encourage teens to do what they do not want, because, it will result in depression

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Supported Main Points
Consider improving the support for your main points. The essay provides valid arguments, but additional concrete examples could strengthen your position.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your conclusions are effective but could benefit from further elaboration to add depth. Ensure that the summation wraps up the discussion comprehensively.
Logical Structure
The essay's logical structure effectively guides the reader through the discussion of the advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph focuses on distinct points, making it easy to follow.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas are presented clearly and are easy to understand. The essay does a good job of conveying both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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