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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn about the news. However, others, believe that they can learn the news more effectively through other media.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.P

#people #newspapers #news #media #p
Nowadays, more and more
people
 are undergoing
cosmetics
Change the noun form
cosmetic
show examples
 surgery. The reason why they decide to alter their looks can be a lack of self-assurance and to compensate for their
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 seen in society. I, for one, disagree entirely with the given statement on the basis of compelling reasons. There are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 who prefer cosmetic
surgeries
 to
Inhence
Correct your spelling
Enhance
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 beauty,
although
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
people
 do operations,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 it is a negative development. No one denies, that with the help of science and technology
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 is possible. Many
people
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to look more attractive, owing to which they spend plenty of money on
surgeries
.
In particular
, youngsters are influenced by social media. They usually saw
perfect
Correct article usage
the perfect
show examples
 bodies of models, rather than knowing the truth they
walk
Wrong verb form
walked
show examples
 on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong path.
For instance
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of celebrities, like
kylie
Capitalize word
Kylie
show examples
 Jenner,
kim
Change the capitalization
Kim
show examples
 Kardashian get done lip fillers, hip surgery and face lifters to look more elegant, since knowing the fact of fake beauty young girls want to look like these famous models.
However
, it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on society. In
America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
 a lady get under 40
surgeries
 to look like Angelina
jolly
Capitalize word
Jolly
show examples
, but
due to
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 treatment, she ruined her natural face, though she
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 role in horror movies,
moreover
 a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 dancer and singer Michael Jackson died
due to
surgeries
,
similarly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many unskilled doctors do wrong operations for money.
Hence
, these are some negative effects of cosmetic surgery on the society. In conclusion,
people
 ought to live with
natural
Add an article
the natural
a natural
show examples
 body rather than get into operations,
by
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 awful impact on others.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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