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Band 4.5

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed, than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case #self
It is true that many
people
 these days prefer to have their own
business
, rather than to work for an employer. There are numerous reasons which encourage
people
 to be self-employed, but no doubt there would be some drawbacks in
this
 case. There are several factors which
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
key
Add an article
a key
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 role in attracting individuals toward running their own
business
.
Firstly
, there seems to be more income in being
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
 compared to working for someone else.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 you have more freedom and you can schedule work hours and even
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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according to
 your preference,
whereas
 when being an employee you have no choice, except
accepting
Change the verb form
to accept
show examples
 all the situations.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 lots of
people
 find it difficult to obey someone else's demands or being limited by the rules of a company.
However
 a society might face economic recession and
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 there might not be enough vacant positions for job seekers, so they have no alternative other than building up their own
business
.
On the other hand
, it is not usually easy for someone to be an entrepreneur, there are some challenges which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 it risky.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if the person is not experienced enough or does not have adequate knowledge, he might experience failure and end up with bankruptcy.
Besides
, to be the founder of a
business
 requires much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 and diligence which everyone is not capable of that,
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 some unforeseen problems might happen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society which
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to failure of the newbuilt businesses, as a few years
age
Correct your spelling
ago
show examples
 COVID-19 pandemic enforced many small businesses to close and caused a significant loss for the owners. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I can understand why being
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
 appeals to many young
people
 these days, but it is certain that it will bring some challenges and difficulties for the founders.
Submitted by golriiz23 on

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task response
Ensure that your main points are supported with specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more coherent and organized essay structure. Pay attention to transitioning between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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