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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #six #cities #summaries #features #comparisons
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The table depicts the system of underground
railway
Use synonyms
 in three categories namely, date opened,
kilometers
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kilometres
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 of
route
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, and annual
passengers
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 in millions, in six different cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest
railway
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 is in
London
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 and the newest is in Los Angeles. Interestingly,
although
Linking Words
 Tokyo is the third oldest
railway
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, it has the highest number of
passengers
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 annually.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the three oldest underground railways are located in
London
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,
Paris
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, and Tokyo which were first operated in 1863, 1900, and 1927
Rephrase
apply
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subsequently
Linking Words
. The
route
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 of
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London
Correct article usage
the London
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railway
Use synonyms
 is 394km, followed by
Use synonyms
Paris
Correct article usage
the Paris
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railway
Use synonyms
 which is twice
Rephrase
as shorter
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shorter
Correct word choice
short
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than
Change preposition
as
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 that of
London
Use synonyms
 at 199km and Tokyo at 155km.
However
Linking Words
,
Paris
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 train
transports
Correct subject-verb agreement
transport
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the
Add a missing verb
has the
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 highest number of
passengers
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at
Change preposition
in
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 1927,
while
Linking Words
Paris
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 at 1191 and
London
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 at only 775
million
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 per year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an underground railroad in Washington DC is the fourth oldest
railway
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 which was opened in 1976 with 126km of
route
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. Having operated in 1976, it carries 114
million
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passengers
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 per year.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 Kyoto was operated in 1981 with only 11km of
route
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 and 45
million
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passengers
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, making it the shortest
route
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 and the least
passengers
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 among other railways.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Los Angeles
Railway
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 is the newest one which was opened in 2001 and has 28km of
route
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 with 50
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 annually.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, route, passengers, london, paris, km, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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