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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #six #cities #summaries #features #comparisons
The table depicts the system of underground
railway
 in three categories namely, date opened,
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
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 of
route
, and annual
passengers
 in millions, in six different cities.
Overall
, the oldest
railway
 is in
London
 and the newest is in Los Angeles. Interestingly,
although
 Tokyo is the third oldest
railway
, it has the highest number of
passengers
 annually.
To begin
 with, the three oldest underground railways are located in
London
,
Paris
, and Tokyo which were first operated in 1863, 1900, and 1927
Rephrase
apply
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subsequently
. The
route
 of
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
railway
 is 394km, followed by
Paris
Correct article usage
the Paris
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railway
 which is twice
Rephrase
as shorter
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shorter
Correct word choice
short
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than
Change preposition
as
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 that of
London
 at 199km and Tokyo at 155km.
However
,
Paris
 train
transports
Correct subject-verb agreement
transport
show examples
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
 highest number of
passengers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1927,
while
Paris
 at 1191 and
London
 at only 775
million
 per year.
Furthermore
, an underground railroad in Washington DC is the fourth oldest
railway
 which was opened in 1976 with 126km of
route
. Having operated in 1976, it carries 114
million
passengers
 per year.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 Kyoto was operated in 1981 with only 11km of
route
 and 45
million
passengers
, making it the shortest
route
 and the least
passengers
 among other railways.
Lastly
, Los Angeles
Railway
 is the newest one which was opened in 2001 and has 28km of
route
 with 50
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
passengers
 annually.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, route, passengers, london, paris, km, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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