IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #people #age #jobs #measures
In many countries today,
people
 are more than ever talking about earlier retirement.
People
also
 seek the law where they over 50 and some
years
 old don'
t
 have to
work
 anymore and have
decent
Add an article
a decent
show examples
 pension. Other part of
people
 still
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to
work
 over
50's
Change noun form
50
show examples
 and contribute
society
Change preposition
to society
show examples
 with their
work
. I will discuss both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons in
this
 essay on
this
 topic
nut
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
 I believe
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 might
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
content
Correct article usage
the content
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cons. One of the reasons why
people
 over 50 can'
t
 find good
jobs
 is because superiors find that they aren'
t
 fast enough and find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 new skills, despite their previous experience. Another reason is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
show examples
 of technology. Many countries are introducing robots in each sector so they find hiring humans
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
show examples
 expense. Robots today can
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 much more
work
 in
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 time than human being who is not
anymore
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 in their strongest period in life.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 older
people
 have experience and life knowledge that young
wprker
Correct your spelling
worker
workers
 can'
t
 have until many
years
 to come. Older worker can fix many problems and share their knowledge
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 younger generations for
a lot
Correct word choice
many
show examples
 more
years
 before retirement.
In addition
, older workers should have
option
Change the article
the option
show examples
 to
lear
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
 new skills needed for
jobs
. Since new technology was being introduced, older workers should go on different courses to learn how to use it for
work
. With everything that has been said, I must agree that
people
 over the age of 50 should be able to find good
jobs
 that
fulfills
Change the verb form
fulfill
show examples
 them. If they need new
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to learn to
work
 in
sector
Add an article
the sector
a sector
show examples
 they want, I think society should provide them
new
Change preposition
with new
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
.
People
 over 50 worked for a lot of decades and contributed to society, so I think they deserve to improve in
jobs
 for many
years
 to come.
Submitted by nick.winsly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • bias
  • stereotype
  • tech-savvy
  • adaptable
  • retraining
  • upskilling
  • employment regulations
  • job options
What to do next:
Look at other essays: