IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people are moving from rural areas to big cities. Why has this happened? To what extent do you think it is a good trend?

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These days many
people
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 from rural areas have chosen to migrate to
cities
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, believing that they can find employment and start a better life. I do not agree with the idea that the movement of the rural
population
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 to urban areas is a positive change. Rural inhabitants have left their hometowns for the simple reason that
cities
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 are more prosperous. The high
population
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 density of
cities
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 ensures that businesses in different industries thrive to match the needs of consumers. These companies are sometimes understaffed because of the robust demand for their goods and services so they have to hire more workers, including those from rural communities,to keep operations going. With a source of income, rural migrants can purchase household products they need and enjoy an improvement in the standard of living.
This
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 is less likely to happen in rural communities, where farming is generally the only source of livelihood and many
people
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 are jobless.
Such
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 migration can benefit both employers and the migrants. Despite
this
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 benefit, the arrival of newcomers is not necessarily a welcome trend since it can put huge pressure on housing and facilities in
cities
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. Some
cities
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 are unable to accommodate a large
population
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 because of the shortage of land. The influx of rural workers can
also
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 fuel the demand for accommodation, driving up rent and property prices. As the
population
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 grows exponentially, hospitals, schools and public transportation will fail to keep pace with the demand. There can be serious problems involving living conditions and overused facilities. Another problem is that regional disparities will grow,
instead
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 of diminishing. Young
people
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 who are ambitious, energetic, hardworking and creative will flock to
cities
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 in search of educational and employment opportunities, leaving rural areas underpopulated. Without the young labouring on farming land and using their creativity to explore different business opportunities, the rural economy will remain sluggish.
This
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 is a vicious cycle as it will accelerate the exodus of working-age
people
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 to megacities and exacerbate the labour shortage in most rural communities. In conclusion, a weak rural economy has virtually driven the
population
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 shift from the countryside to
cities
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, and
this
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 is bringing suffering and injustice to an increasing number of
people
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 in places like China, in my view.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, consider providing more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Clarify transitions between different segments of your arguments to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-developed and supported with logical reasoning.
task achievement
You have comprehensively addressed the task by discussing both the reasons for migration and its positive and negative aspects.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are well-organized and presented in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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