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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Nowadays numerous individuals argue that playing
music
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 can have a crucial role in unifying
people
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 from various age groups or cultures. From my perspective,
although
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this
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 could be considered an efficient way of fading cultural differences, it seems a bit far-fetched to have the same efficiency in all situations.
According to
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 research, that has been done in the Art department of Tehran University, the beneficial impacts of
music
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 in obviating various human issues are proven. I think, fading cultural differences in international arenas are the most significant impact of listening to
music
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.
For example
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, top-ranked universities or international races get together individuals with various customs from all over the world. Playing
music
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 from diverse nations not only
help
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helps
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people
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 become familiar with various beliefs, but encourages
people
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 particularly,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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aged
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age
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 group to get to know more about other cultures, which can obviate the cultural differences gradually.
In contrast
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, many aged populations may be unwilling to listen to other nation’s plays.
Also
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, some racial or religious bigots may have a prejudice against foreign traditional
music
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.
Furthermore
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, the inability to realize the
music
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’s lyrics can discourage some
people
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 from enjoying other nations’ plays.
However
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, in these cases,
people
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 may prefer to get acquainted with other cultures in different ways.
For instance
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, following international news, watching movies, and studying books can have the same efficiency as
music
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. In conclusion, I think
music
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 has a crucial role in unifying crowds from various customs and nations especially, in worldwide communities and among young age
people
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. Because it has the capability of creating a unification atmosphere among the
people
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Submitted by golriiz23 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise terms.
grammatical range accuracy
Be more accurate with your sentence structures and word choices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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