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Writing Samples
Band 6

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The tables show the differences in maximum and minimum
temperature
Use synonyms
, as well
the
Correct word choice
as the
show examples
 daylight
hours
Use synonyms
 during
Correct article usage
the
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 weekend
Change preposition
in
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 December in London and
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, during the three
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 the daylight
time
Use synonyms
 did not change significantly in each place, and the
temperature
Use synonyms
 variations during the weekend were
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
temperature
Use synonyms
 and light
hours
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 pretty different between the two cities. In London, there were found significant changes related to the
temperature
Use synonyms
 or the sunrise and sunset
time
Use synonyms
. The maximum
temperature
Use synonyms
 during those three days
vwas
Correct your spelling
was
 13
˚C
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the minimum was 3
˚C
Use synonyms
. The main sunrise
time
Use synonyms
 in that weekend was 08:06, whilst the general sunset
time
Use synonyms
 was around 15:58. In the case of
Sydney
Use synonyms
, the variation in maximum
temperature
Use synonyms
 steadily increased from 26 ˚C and 31
˚C
Use synonyms
, and the minimum
temperature
Use synonyms
 grew from 17
˚C
Use synonyms
 to 19
˚C
Use synonyms
. There was
also
Linking Words
 an upward tendency related to the
hours
Use synonyms
 of daylight,
however
Linking Words
 the variation was just 1 minute of difference. Considering both tables, it can be said that there was a warmer
time
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with almost twice the
temperature
Use synonyms
 than the in London.
While
Linking Words
 in Lonndon the sky was lighted for almost 8
hours
Use synonyms
, the light
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 were more than 12
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jennifergamboa254 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, sydney, time, ˚c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperatures
  • hours of daylight
  • comparison
  • London
  • Sydney
  • December 2018
  • weekend
  • information
  • data
  • summarise
  • select
  • report
  • features
  • analysis
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