Today, many people use the internet and smart phones to transfer money to friends, family and businesss. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #phones #transfer #money #friends #businesss #development

The

last

several years show the phenomenon of mobile phones and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

replacing the function of

machine

Fix the agreement mistake

machines

show examples

existed since a long time ago, Automated Teller

Machine

Fix the agreement mistake

Machines

show examples

(

ATM

), to send money.

This

happens

due to

the innovation of mobile/online banking, which positively impacts

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and leads them to

use

it frequently.

However

potential

Correct article usage

the potential

show examples

adversity of using

this

feature should be taken into consideration. Several advantages provided by mobile/online banking influence people to

use

it regularly for transferring money.

Firstly

this

application

ease

Change the verb form

eases

show examples

people’s lives because sending money

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

be done anywhere only through their multifunction device.

For example

, you are in an isolated area where

ATM

is located far from you and you need to send cash. Having mobile banking means that you do not have to commute and wait in line just

for using

Change preposition

to use

show examples

ATM

Correct article usage

an ATM

show examples

. There are a few potential disadvantages that need to be noted if people

use

smartphones to transfer funds. Security issues will likely occur if someone

lose

Change the verb form

loses

show examples

their mobile phone.

However

this

potential problem can be prevented. They must

use

a strong password for both the mobile phone and the mobile banking app,

where

Correct word choice

and

show examples

this

password must not be written in the other apps within their phone. Nowadays, people

are increasingly opt

Change the verb form

are increasingly opting

show examples

for using

Change preposition

to use

show examples

their smartphones and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

to transfer cash for their family, friends, and businesses. The practicality and efficiency of mobile/online banking are the primary reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

choosing

this

instead

of visiting

ATM

Fix the agreement mistake

ATMs

show examples

. The possible negative effect of using

this

method can be hindered beforehand by using a stronger protection system.

Submitted by shanniania on Wed Oct 11 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.

grammatical range accuracy

Check the usage of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today, many people use the internet and smart phones to transfer money to friends, family and businesss. Is this a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to the modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

In the past lectures were the traditional method of teaching large numbers of students. Nowadays new technology is increasingly being used to teach students. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach in teaching?

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have make the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages？

Topic: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have make the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals.   Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages？