Today, many people use the internet and smart phones to transfer money to friends, family and businesss. Is this a positive or negative development?

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The
last
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several years show the phenomenon of mobile phones and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
replacing the function of
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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existed since a long time ago, Automated Teller
Machine
Fix the agreement mistake
Machines
show examples
(
ATM
Use synonyms
), to send money.
This
Linking Words
happens
due to
Linking Words
the innovation of mobile/online banking, which positively impacts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and leads them to
use
Use synonyms
it frequently.
However
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,
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
adversity of using
this
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feature should be taken into consideration. Several advantages provided by mobile/online banking influence people to
use
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it regularly for transferring money.
Firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
application
ease
Change the verb form
eases
show examples
people’s lives because sending money
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be done anywhere only through their multifunction device.
For example
Linking Words
, you are in an isolated area where
ATM
Use synonyms
is located far from you and you need to send cash. Having mobile banking means that you do not have to commute and wait in line just
for using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
Use synonyms
ATM
Correct article usage
an ATM
show examples
. There are a few potential disadvantages that need to be noted if people
use
Use synonyms
smartphones to transfer funds. Security issues will likely occur if someone
lose
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loses
show examples
their mobile phone.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
potential problem can be prevented. They must
use
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a strong password for both the mobile phone and the mobile banking app,
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
Linking Words
password must not be written in the other apps within their phone. Nowadays, people
are increasingly opt
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are increasingly opting
show examples
for using
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to use
show examples
their smartphones and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
to transfer cash for their family, friends, and businesses. The practicality and efficiency of mobile/online banking are the primary reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
choosing
this
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instead
Linking Words
of visiting
Use synonyms
ATM
Fix the agreement mistake
ATMs
show examples
. The possible negative effect of using
this
Linking Words
method can be hindered beforehand by using a stronger protection system.
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.
grammatical range accuracy
Check the usage of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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