IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The idea of having a single career is becoming old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

#idea #career #fashion #careers #money #education #life
Since the world has changed,
people
 have to adjust their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to be able to survive in our world nowadays. Granted that
people
 having only one stable
job
 is enough.
Nonetheless
, it is an old fashioned
thoughts
Correct the article-noun agreement
thought
show examples
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, everything can happen
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time either bad
things
 or good
things
, so it’s unable to be denied that having many careers as alternatives is a really good idea. In the past,
people
 thought that having one stable occupation
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 enough for them to live as they got paid
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an adequate level, but nowadays,
people
 don’t want just enough for living. Notwithstanding
people
 have enough
money
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
, their desire is unlimited, so they want to earn as much
money
 as possible to satisfy themselves by purchasing
things
 they want.
Also
, the price of goods is a lot
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 compared to the past, so the
money
 they earn from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 only
job
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not enough. As everyone knows, it is unpredictable what is going to happen in the future, so some
people
 probably have second and third
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of earning
money
.
Hence
,
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
 something bad happens, and it makes them lose their main
job
, they have the other way to make
money
 and be able to buy the
things
 they need. In a nutshell, it is impossible that
people
’s notion would be mutual, so it literally depends on the person
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how many ways of earning
money
 they want to have and for what purpose.
However
, it is well known that thoughts of having more than one
job
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more popular nowadays owing to many factors.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: