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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, it has been observed that
art
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classes
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 are as essential as other subjects.
Although
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 some advocates argue that it is a
wasting
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waste
 of
students
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' time, I strongly agree with the idea that schools should offer
art
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 sessions.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which
this
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 is necessary;
in addition
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, it will consider other significant reasons
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such
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, such
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 as enhancing
students
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' soft skills and helping them to obtain well-paid jobs in the future. A major argument in favour of
this
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 perspective is that
this
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 approach aids
students
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 in developing soft skills.
This
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 means that when
students
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 have at least one
art
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 class per week, it leads to enhancing their personalities,
such
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 as their confidence. A study published by New York University concluded that 87% of those who took non-academic
classes
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 noticed a decrease in their feelings of shyness by half compared to those who did not attend any
art
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classes
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.
Consequently
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, activities inside or outside schools assist learners in various aspects of their personalities. Another fundamental reason is that
art
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 sessions help
students
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 to gain a rewarding job later. In fact, when individuals have an extraordinary talent, it is possible to get a secure job in the future. Van Gogh is a prime example; in the present, his paintings are worth millions of dollars. If he were still alive, he would be a highly successful artist and earn billions. Being famous in a non-academic activity will contribute to getting more opportunities to achieve accomplishments. In conclusion, I firmly believe that focusing on
art
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classes
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 is more beneficial than other subjects, because it helps in developing a set of skills and fosters the ability to gain jobs in the future.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all the way through. You say art is as important as other subjects, but in the end you say it is more beneficial than other subjects. Keep one clear position.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Your points are clear, but some parts need more explanation about why art should be compulsory for all high school students.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic better. The Van Gogh example is interesting, but it is not a strong reason for making art classes compulsory for every student.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel a bit separate, so add clearer links between the main idea, explanation, and example.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more exact. For example, say clearly how each paragraph supports your opinion about school subjects.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include main reasons and examples, which helps answer the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like although, in addition, another, and consequently.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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