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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is the government's responsibility to provide care and financial to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves saving money in their own care when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The issue of
retirement
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support
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 is a topic of contention, with compelling arguments presented on both sides. Some advocate for
government
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-funded financial assistance and care for citizens following their
retirement
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,
while
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 others insist on individual responsibility in planning and saving for
retirement
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. Proponents of
government
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-provided
retirement
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support
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 assert that it aligns with principles of social justice. They highlight the fact that numerous
individuals
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 may struggle to accumulate sufficient
savings
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 for their
retirement
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due to
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 a myriad of factors, including
meager
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meagre
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 wages, mounting medical bills, and unforeseen financial burdens.
Government
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-sponsored
support
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 is seen as an essential mechanism to ensure that retirees can enjoy a decent quality of life during their post-employment years.
For instance
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, Singapore's administration has implemented a Central Provident Fund (CPF) scheme. The CPF operates as a mandatory
savings
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 initiative for employed Singaporeans and their employers. When these workers eventually retire, they can tap into their CPF
savings
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 to finance their
retirement
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 years.
On the contrary
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, adversaries of
government
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-backed
retirement
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support
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 argue that it is inequitable to obligate taxpayers to finance the
retirement
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 of others. They contend that governmental management of financial resources is not always the most efficient approach.
Moreover
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, some contend that
government
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-provided
retirement
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support
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 may have a disincentivizing effect on personal financial responsibility. They point out that when people are aware of
government
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 guarantees, they may be less inclined to proactively save for their
retirement
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.
For instance
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, studies have indicated that
individuals
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 residing in nations with extensive
government
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-provided
retirement
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 benefits exhibit a reduced inclination to independently save for their
retirement
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. In my perspective, it is imperative for the
government
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 to play a role in furnishing
retirement
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support
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 to its citizens.
Nonetheless
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, I firmly believe that
individuals
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 should take responsibility for their
retirement
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 planning and
savings
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. One strategy to strike a balance between these two objectives is to institute a universal
retirement
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savings
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 accounts system. Under
this
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 system, all employed
individuals
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 would be mandated to contribute a portion of their income to dedicated
retirement
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 accounts. The
government
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 could
then
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 provide matching contributions for low- and middle-income earners.
This
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 approach would guarantee that every individual has a fundamental level of
retirement
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savings
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.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 should offer tax incentives and employ other means to motivate people to save for their
retirement
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.
Additionally
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, the
government
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 could provide financial advisory services and educational resources to empower
individuals
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 to make informed decisions about their
retirement
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 planning. By adopting
such
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 a well-rounded approach, governments can facilitate the assurance of a secure and comfortable
retirement
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 for all citizens.

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by offering counterarguments to both views.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words and phrases to improve the coherence of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more impressive.
grammatical range accuracy
Take care of sentence structure errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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