23.Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians, poets. However, other people think that is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #assistance #kinds #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money

Every

government

provides certain assistance to its citizens.

However

, when it comes to the group of

artists

, people hold differing opinions. Some believe that the

government

should take up the responsibility to help

artists

while

others consider it a waste of money. But considering human rights and

education

, I believe that the

government

should assist

artists

Firstly

, the

government

should offer assistance to all art creators because they are equal members of society. Specifically, even though the works of

artists

may not yield immediate profits, they are no different from regular individuals except for their professions.

Therefore

, when they face difficulties, they have the right to receive

government

-provided aid and should not be discriminated against

due to

their profession. Providing assistance to them is not a waste of money; it is merely supporting equal members of society.

Secondly

, the

government

has a responsibility to support art creators because the artworks they produce can enhance

education

In other words

, compared to ordinary mechanical work, creating art requires

artists

to observe the world around them and employ their imagination.

Therefore

, when children appreciate these works, it can stimulate their creativity and innovation

while

also

fostering critical thinking.

As a result

artists

can play a role in

education

through their artworks.

Therefore

, from their status as citizens and their contributions to

education

artists

should be protected and assisted by the

government

Hence

, I believe that the

government

should extend a helping hand to

artists

in need, and

this

is not a waste of money.

Submitted by hxk7664 on Thu Oct 12 2023

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task achievement

Provide more detailed explanation and examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and collocations.

grammatical range accuracy

Use a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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