IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Topic: Student should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #student #exams #skills
A lot of people these days argue about teaching
life
 skills in schools and think that students should only focus on academic
subjects
 to do well on their exams and I strongly disagree with them.
This
 essay will discuss why and the reason behind that.
Firstly
, people in general need to take a break and disconnect their minds from doing daily things so they can focus and concentrate more. And students in special need that so they can do well in their exams and tests. In fact, studies have shown that taking breaks is essential for the brain to function more and to have good outcomes.
For example
, I did good in school because I was
also
 an athlete which made me want to achieve good marks in my studies and first place in my sport.
Secondly
,
life
 skills like cooking and dressing are as important as academic
subjects
 so the new generation can learn how to live alone and pursue
life
.
For example
, cooking classes would make them independent individuals if they live alone or they can contribute to their homes if they live with their families.
In addition
, dressing classes would teach them how to look good among their peers and to look presentable at special events at jobs or in their personal lives. In the end, I really believe in teaching the young generation non-academic
subjects
 because it will separate their minds from focusing on academic
subjects
 only and will teach them important lessons in
life
 so they can be independent.
Submitted by waad018 on

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task achievement
You have a clear position throughout the essay, which is very good. However, try to be more explicit in the introduction about what each body paragraph will discuss. This will make your essay more coherent and will signal your structure to the examiner.
coherence cohesion
While your arguments are clear, some sentences are a bit repetitive. Try to vary your sentence structure and use transitional phrases to create smoother connections between your ideas.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Finally, review your essay for grammatical errors and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your ideas.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your main points, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay stays focused on the topic throughout, maintaining a consistent argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Balanced education
  • Real-world application
  • Holistic development
  • Self-reliance
  • Intellectual development
  • Well-rounded individuals
  • Critical thinking
  • Practical problem-solving
  • Future preparedness
  • Adaptability
  • Social and emotional benefits
  • Self-confidence
  • Fostering independence
  • Mental health
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