These days some young people say that museums should have entertainment activities and others say that museums are not for entertainment it are only for Education. Discuss both and give your opinion.

#people #museums #entertainment #activities #education

It is thought by many that

museums

should introduce new activities like entertainment for the citizen

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that

visitors

could have a joyful

experience

However

, Many argue that

museums

are built for educational

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

only.

For

instance

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instance,

show examples

visitors

may learn

their

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about their

show examples

historical past ,

children

must

experience

cultural depth and many more. In my opinion,

museum

authorities must bring a balance between the

above mentioned

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above-mentioned

show examples

two aspects,

therefore

visitors

could have a well-rounded educational

experience

associated with colourful memories. On the one hand, proponents advocate that

museums

must bring entertainment

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

to provide

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show examples

memorable

experience

visitor

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visitors

show examples

. They argue that entertainment activities

such

as dancing

area

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areas

show examples

for

children

, various musical instruments for musically

talent

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talented

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adults or

children

sports

Correct word choice

and sports

show examples

activities in which parents and their

children

could take part , will bring enjoyment and memorable

experience

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experiences

show examples

to the family.

Hence

, the amount of

vistiors

Correct your spelling

visitors

will gradually increase. They

also

present ideas,

for

instance

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instance,

show examples

builiding

Correct your spelling

building

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show examples

cafetria

Correct your spelling

cafeteria

cafeterias

around corners all over the

museum

will help

children

focus on the essentials as nobody could focus on a hungry

stomac

Correct your spelling

stomach

. Providing food is

also

another significant

criteria

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criterion

show examples

they should include to enhance the quality of

museum

tour

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tours

show examples

On the other hand

, opponents advocate that the purpose of the

museum

is to provide

educational

Add an article

an educational

show examples

experience

to the

children

as well as

citizens. All the historical background of the country should be shown in the

musuem

Correct your spelling

museum

to provide

educational

Add an article

an educational

show examples

experience

and foster a culturally enriched society.

Furthermore

Museums

should enhance their ways to provide knowledgeable

experience

For instance

, giving the

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

a viewpoint where they could feel the narrative on why their forefathers have

faught

Correct your spelling

fought

so hard and the present moment of freedom they are experiencing is the result of their forefather's sacrifice.

As a consequence

, the

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

will be more culturally stronger, historically enriched and wiser individuals and

this

experience

must go on to foster a vibrant society. In conclusion, both sides present strong arguments.

However

, I opine that

museums

should strike a balance between these two aspects to provide a wholesome

experience

of enriched culture, stronger

historic

Correct word choice

historical

show examples

views and equally an enjoyable

experience

to the

visitors

. Education mixed with joyful

fun

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

loving

experience

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experiences

show examples

will bring more value and foster well-rounded, educated individuals.

Hence

, these mesmerising

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

will help by bringing many

visitors

to the

musuems

Correct your spelling

museums

museum

Submitted by nehakarmakar45 on Thu Oct 12 2023

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

382 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days some young people say that museums should have entertainment activities and others say that museums are not for entertainment it are only for Education. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Word Count

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