IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous by their wealth and glamour instead of their achievement. This is a bad sample for younger.

#celebrities #wealth #glamour #achievement #sample
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Nowadays celebrities are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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famous primarily due
their
Change preposition
to their
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 glamour is a complex perception. There are many factors that make them successful
such
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 as talents, marketing strategies,
audience
Correct word choice
and audience
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 preferences .
According to
Linking Words
 the development of technology, industrial entertainment focuses more on personal life or even scandals.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
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to
Change preposition
apply
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young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
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.
Fist
Correct your spelling
First
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 of all, when young
people
Use synonyms
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 in life see all the glamour of famous
people
Use synonyms
 they might think
that is
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 the life they want without knowing
that
Correct word choice
apply
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what
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
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 them. Teenagers properly set unrealistic
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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 for their lives which is impossible
according to
Linking Words
 their situations, they will not focus on
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
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 or improve necessary skills.
Secondly
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, In order to be successful we have to face
with
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apply
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challenges, disappointment, loneliness,
sacrifice
Correct word choice
and sacrifice
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 time. When young
people
Use synonyms
 are influenced by celebrity
glamours
Fix the agreement mistake
glamour
show examples
, they might set
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 priorities for their lives, thinking that they can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the same living styles. Success is not just about being rich or famous, it’s all about how
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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we live and what we can give to others. There are many
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 doing wonderful things without even being noticed
such
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 as doctors, firefighters,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
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. If we only see being famous
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a goal, it is a distorted value. So, before
admire
Change the verb form
admiring
show examples
 any celebrity,
people
Use synonyms
 should know what
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their real values, who
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they want to become. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up. There is no concern
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 you prefer to be famous or not but it is all about thinking clearly that what
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the real values that you want to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
archive
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, celebrities must know that their actions have
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 impact on
people
Use synonyms
,
according to
Linking Words
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 opinions, they should spread their
meaning
Replace the word
meaningful
show examples
 achievements rather than personal fame.
Submitted by nguyenthitinh1995lc on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Revise sentence structures and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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