Nowadays celebrities are more famous by their wealth and glamour instead of their achievement. This is a bad sample for younger.
Nowadays celebrities are
being
famous primarily due Unnecessary verb
apply
their
glamour is a complex perception. There are many factors that make them successful Change preposition
to their
such
as talents, marketing strategies, audience
preferences . Correct word choice
and audience
According to
the development of technology, industrial entertainment focuses more on personal life or even scandals. This
phenomenon negatively effect
Correct your spelling
affects
to
young Change preposition
apply
people
Change noun form
people's
perception
.
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
Fist
of all, when young Correct your spelling
First
people
who are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
experiences
in life see all the glamour of famous Fix the agreement mistake
experience
people
they might think that is
the life they want without knowing that
what Correct word choice
apply
cost
them. Teenagers properly set unrealisticWrong verb form
costs
expectation
for their lives which is impossible Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
according to
their situations, they will not focus on self development
or improve necessary skills.
Add a hyphen
self-development
Secondly
, In order to be successful we have to face with
challenges, disappointment, loneliness, Change preposition
apply
sacrifice
time. When young Correct word choice
and sacrifice
people
are influenced by celebrity glamours
, they might set Fix the agreement mistake
glamour
wrong
priorities for their lives, thinking that they can Correct article usage
the wrong
achive
the same living styles.
Success is not just about being rich or famous, it’s all about how Correct your spelling
achieve
do
we live and what we can give to others. There are many Unnecessary verb
apply
people
are
doing wonderful things without even being noticed Correct pronoun usage
who are
such
as doctors, firefighters, teachers
. If we only see being famous Correct word choice
and teachers
is
a goal, it is a distorted value. So, before Correct your spelling
as
admire
any celebrity, Change the verb form
admiring
people
should know what is
their real values, who Verb problem
apply
do
they want to become.
To Unnecessary verb
apply
sump
up. There is no concern Correct your spelling
sum
whether
you prefer to be famous or not but it is all about thinking clearly that what Change preposition
about whether
is
the real values that you want to Change the verb form
are
achive
. Correct your spelling
achieve
archive
On the other hand
, celebrities must know that their actions have huge
impact on Add an article
a huge
people
, according to
above
opinions, they should spread their Correct article usage
the above
meaning
achievements rather than personal fame.Replace the word
meaningful
Submitted by nguyenthitinh1995lc on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Revise sentence structures and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.