Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Nowadays, many young
people
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admire
media
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and sports
celebrities
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, even when these individuals do not always behave responsibly. I believe
this
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is mainly a negative development because it can influence young
people
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’s behaviour and values in harmful ways.
Firstly
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, many modern
celebrities
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promote lifestyles that are not suitable for young
people
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.
For example
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, some
media
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stars often post photos of partying, drinking or showing off expensive items on social
media
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. Teenagers may try to copy these behaviours because they think it will make them popular or look more grown-up.
This
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can lead to unhealthy habits and poor decision-making.
In addition
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, many influencers use filters, heavy editing and cosmetic procedures to look perfect.
This
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creates unrealistic beauty standards, which can make young
people
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feel insecure about their appearance and lose confidence.
Secondly
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, the admiration of
celebrities
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can give young
people
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the wrong idea about success. Many famous
people
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become popular very quickly, which makes teenagers believe that fame is more important than education or hard work.
Instead
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of focusing on their studies or building useful skills, some young
people
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spend a lot of time trying to gain followers online.
This
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can affect their long-term goals and reduce their chances of achieving real success in life.
Furthermore
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, when young
people
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pay too much attention to
celebrities
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, they forget about positive role models
such
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as teachers, doctors or community leaders who make valuable contributions to society. In conclusion,
although
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some
celebrities
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may have positive qualities, I believe that admiring
media
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and sports stars who do not set a good example is mostly negative. It can harm young
people
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’s behaviour, self-esteem and understanding of what success truly means.

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Task Response
Your view is clear: admiring stars is mostly bad. To improve, state your main idea in the first sentence and show how each part supports it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link ideas well. Use words like and, but, so, first, next, also to connect sentences. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence.
Grammar and Accuracy
Some words are hard or new. Use simple, everyday words. Check grammar and spell simple words correctly.
Strength
Clear view on the issue.
Strength
Reason and example are given to back up the view.
Strength
Reasonable paragraph order and flow of ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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