IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the aid from six developed countries to developing countries from 2008 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the aid from six developed countries to developing countries from 2008 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#aid #six #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph demonstrates how much assistance
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 six developed
countries
Use synonyms
 provided to developing
countries
Use synonyms
 between 2008 and 2010, which are the US, Germany, the UK,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Neterland
Correct your spelling
Netherlands
Netherland
, and
Sweden
Use synonyms
. Of all the six nations, the US offered the largest financial support in the whole period, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 over 20
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 in each year. In the three years, the aid from the US increased in total,
while
Linking Words
 it shows a two-million drop in 2009 and a remarkable increase in 2010 to 25.
Similarly
Linking Words
, both the UK and
Japan
Use synonyms
 experienced
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 up and down simultaneously from 2008 to 2010. The UK engaged in helping the developing
countries
Use synonyms
 the most actively in 2010(for 13
billion
Use synonyms
),
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 in 2008(for 12
billion
Use synonyms
).
Correct article usage
The Netherland
show examples
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 provided the smallest amount of money to those poor
countries
Use synonyms
, both of them in the three years were merely under 10
billion
Use synonyms
. They all donated the most in 2009, and
Correct article usage
the Netherland
show examples
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
show examples
 showed a rising trend
overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Sweden
Use synonyms
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 the same number as the beginning(7
billion
Use synonyms
).
By contrast
Linking Words
, the aid from Germany kept a constantly growing tendency, which was 10 in 2008 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 in the end.
To sum up
Linking Words
, all the other
countries
Use synonyms
 represented a growth during the three years except
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
. And it is worth to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
mention that Germany was the only one that steadily rose between 2008 and 2010.
Submitted by liumuxi568 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, japan, sweden, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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