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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times
parent
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 have had a vital role in their
children
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. It is a highly debatable issue whether the benefits of the
parent
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 in staying at home and looking after their newborn child, or whether it has drawback outcomes. From my perspective, I think that the beneficial impact overpowers the detrimental ones.
This
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 essay will outline the merits and demerits of staying with a new baby. ‎‏On the one hand, there are a few disadvantages to the parents when they
work
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 full-time to earn money.
First,
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Stress
work
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 has been linked to many mental health issues
such
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 as depression and anxiety. The
parent
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 may face difficulties in finding a balance between their
work
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 and their
children
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.
For example
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, my friend Fatma who works in a big company for long hours is suffering from many personal problems. So,
this
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 can affect badly in her life. Another disadvantage to be considered is
Children
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's health. The demerits are not limited only to the
parent
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 but
also
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 can be extended to the
Children
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.
Due to
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 less
care
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,
Children
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 are not able to get the best treatment and health
care
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. A good example here is people Who
work
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 in hospitals and are forced to do theft duty and neglect their
children
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. ‎‏
On the other hand
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, there are many advantages to taking
care
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 of the baby. The main advantage is the Safety. Exposing workers to
work
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 full time leads them definitely to bring housemates to help them take
care
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 of their babies. To illustrate, the result of conducting research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of female employees complained about their housemates.
As a result
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, they feel more comfortable to stay at home. Another possible advantage is that providing a relaxed environment for the mother after getting It promotes a sense of comfort.
For instance
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, my sister decided to a long holiday after her birth and she said that she felt a hundred better than before. ‎‏In conclusion, a
parent
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 has a significant impact on their
children
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. They can look after themself and their
children
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 in better ways. They enjoy a calm environment.
Therefore
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, the idea of taking full time to earn money should be stopped.
parent
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 has the priority to provide all the tools to facilitate their child's growth.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly develops a single idea relevant to the task. Link ideas between sentences consistently using appropriate language connectors such as 'therefore,' 'moreover,' etc.
task achievement
Add more comprehensive points or examples that demonstrate the implications of each side more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that bracket the main ideas effectively.
task achievement
The use of personal examples adds authenticity and engagement to your argument.
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