In some countries, celebrities complain about the way the media publicizes their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?
It is inevitable for prominent
people
to have a lot of attention from the public. Therefore
, some famous individuals make a complaint to the media in order to have their boundary
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
boundaries
people
insist that they have to admit this
phenomenon as part of their fame. However
, I strongly dissagree
with Correct your spelling
disagree
this
opinion. This
is because famous people
have a right
to have private space in their life
and they might be Fix the agreement mistake
lives
a
Correct article usage
apply
victime
Correct your spelling
victims
by
criminals.
Change preposition
of
To begin
with, emient
Correct your spelling
eminent
people
have a right
to have their own space in their daily live
. In fact, everyone needs Replace the word
lives
their
private room where they can be protected Change the word
a
by
Change preposition
from
externel
factors including famous Correct your spelling
external
people
. Having a boundary plays a pivotal role in people
's live
. When Replace the word
lives
people
's right
are invaded by other elements, they might be able to have mental issues Fix the agreement mistake
rights
such
as depression, anxitey
and so on. To cite an example, some Correct your spelling
anxiety
celebrities
in South Korea struggle with thier
mental problems since they do not have enough space for their schedule. They protest to media companies to stop posting their Correct your spelling
their
life
in order to tackle this problems
. Sometimes, they have medicines or conduct sessions to deal with their stress. Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
Moreover
, This
situation might lead their fandoms to have a sense of worries
and a lot of entertainment companies to lose their Fix the agreement mistake
worry
assests
as Correct your spelling
assets
a
prominent Correct article usage
apply
people
in our society.
In addition
, celebrities
might be able to become victims by
Change preposition
of
awuful
Correct your spelling
awful
people
. The number of criminals has been increasing nowadays, some people
, called a stoker, cross the celebrities'private
room. They are more likely to invade eminent Correct your spelling
private
people
's daily live
by following their schedules every single day and taking a majority of pictures. Sometimes, they even attack Replace the word
lives
celebrities
physically. For example
, there was a serious crime in China. One of
prominent actress, named Wan Wei was captured by a stoker. The criminal said that he was able to check her Change preposition
apply
lives
by watching media news all the time. Fix the agreement mistake
life
This
means that too much information about celebrities
' life
might cause Fix the agreement mistake
lives
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
situation
for them Fix the agreement mistake
situations
such
as stoking, captures
and so on.
Wrong verb form
capturing
To sum up
, it is evident that some people
reckon that they deserve to monitor celebrities
' life
because of their fame. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, I totally dissagree
with it, since famous Correct your spelling
disagree
people
have a right
to have their boundary
and might Fix the agreement mistake
boundaries
be targets
by criminals.Change the verb form
be targeted
Submitted by lym1049 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear position on the topic, but there is a need for better organization of ideas and development of arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task to some extent, but there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive and detailed ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.