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Band 6.5

Some young people go to college or university to have a successful career path. Others, however, chose to go straight to work to gain real-life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion.

#people #college #university #career #path #work #gain #school
Attending college is crucial in order to get a degree that sometimes opens new doors in the future and leads you to a more successful path.
However
, some
people
 decide to
work
inmediately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 after they graduate from high school. Even though both decisions can help you to construct a professional career, going to college is crucial to achieving
this
 goal. Nowadays, young
people
 say it is better to start working as soon as possible so that you can gain
experience
 and new contacts.
That is
 why they choose to get a job, and as a young
person
Add a comma
person,
show examples
 you can learn easily and quite fast.
For example
,
people
 who want to have a company choose to start their business as soon as possible and
work
 on it, or
work
 for a company first to gain
experience
. For these
people
 the more
experience
 they have, the easier will be to be successful.
However
, it is clearly impossible to apply
this
 logic to every type of job. Some jobs require previous studies and without it, they wouldn't even exist.
For example
, any type of medical job
such
 as doctor or dentist,
also
 other professions like architectures or lawyers require prior of many years of study. They wouldn't be able to
work
 without their studies and even with them, sometimes is difficult to achieve a successful posture.
People
 tend to believe that either going to university or working
instead
 of studying can lead you to a successful position, even though sometimes
this
 can be true, in my opinion, it is always better to find a balance and try to
work
 at the same time you study. So that you can gain
experience
 but at the same time get new knowledge that can be useful in your professional career.
Submitted by dannie.sanval on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on the advantages and disadvantages of both options.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure to ensure accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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