IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Music
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 is a flexible tool that makes us company
while
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 going through different situations.
That is
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 the reason why some
people
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 think that
music
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 is useful to certain individuals in order to manage their stress and anxiety. Even though is not an absolute remedy for different mental problems, I strongly agree with
this
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 idea. Nowadays
people
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 search for new alternatives to manage their emotions. One of them is
music
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 and it is proven that
music
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 helps you to deal with different situations.
For example
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, when you feel overwhelmed or stressed you can listen to some classical
music
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 like Mozart or Bach, some experts even recommend listening to these musicians whenever you are studying for an important exam.
Music
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 is a tool that helps you feel more calm and relaxed.
On the other hand
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,
music
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 can improve your lifestyle in many ways.
People
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 who suffer from anxiety are frequently drowned in worrying thoughts and
music
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 can help them distract themselves.
For instance
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, listening to
music
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while
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 taking a shower is good because you can sing and dance and that helps you to not feel sad or worried, the same happens
while
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 doing exercise it helps you to feel motivated and with energy. There are many songs like "I'm Walking on Sunshine" that have been scientifically demonstrated to increase your happiness.
Music
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 is a tool that can make a beneficial impact on your life. Even though
music
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 can have a good influence on
people
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's lives, it is always important that
people
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 who suffer from mental
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
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 as anxiety and stress take care of their mental health and go with a therapist.
Music
Use synonyms
 can be helpful but it is not the final solution.
Submitted by dannie.sanval on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, it would be beneficial if you added some clear transition words or phrases to better demonstrate the progression of your thoughts and ideas. This could include terms like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'more importantly'. This will increase your essay's readability and the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and well-explained examples supporting your perspective. However, it would be beneficial to elaborate more on your arguments by providing detailed analysis of how specifically music can help in managing stress and anxiety.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is fairly good, yet it could be broadened a bit more. Add more variety to your words and phrases, avoid too much repetition of certain words ('music' in this case). Explore synonyms, employ antonyms to counter-argue, or use idiomatic phrases for better results.
grammatical range accuracy
Your grammar is generally good, but there are a few mistakes like missing articles ('an' before important exam, 'the' before final solution), or missing verb conjugation ('music is a flexible tool that makes us company' should be 'music is a flexible tool that keeps us company'). Carefully proofread your essay to rectify such minor errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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