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I would like to talk about a marble-shooting robot which was given to me by my mother when I was 8 years old.

#robot #mother #years
I would like to talk about a marble-shooting
robot
 which was given to me by my mother when I was 8 years old. The toy was made of plastic and resembled the white
robot
 in my
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 video game “Bomberman” with a big head and sparkling eyes. It
also
 had a decorative antenna behind its head. You know, in the early 2000s, most boys were into
marbles
 and I was no exception. I really enjoyed playing
marbles
 with my friends.
However
, all of my friends had a
robot
 toy when we played
marbles
 and they dominated the game. Oh of course the robots didn’t affect the game all that much and we could actually play
marbles
 without them but they were so cool that I was green with envy when I saw my friends loaded their robots with the most magnificent
marbles
 they have. That was why I constantly pestered my parents to buy me one, but they had a condition - I had to be an excellent student
at the end
 of the semester. So….Challenge accepted! I studied as hard as I could and I
finally
 got it! I was over the moon when my mom gave it to me. As a little kid, I had hundreds of toys in all shapes and sizes but
this
robot
 toy was the most valuable gift I ever received. It was like a medal to me as it represented my hard work and dedication, and it brought me a lot of joy and happiness during my childhood.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Your essay contains relevant and specific examples, which enrich the content and showcase your personal experience effectively. However, try to develop your ideas further to make the essay even more comprehensive.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are generally clear and comprehensive. However, adding a bit more detail about the robot or your feelings upon receiving it could make the essay even richer.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure can be improved by creating more distinct paragraphs for different ideas or parts of the story. This will help the reader follow your narrative more easily.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, they could be more distinct and better connected. Consider elaborating more on the significance of the robot at the end to create a stronger closing.
task achievement
The essay includes specific and relevant examples, which makes your narrative engaging and relatable.
task achievement
The use of personal anecdotes adds a lot of value and interest to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your transitions between ideas are fairly smooth, which helps in maintaining the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear statement of what the essay will be about, and the conclusion brings a personal reflection, which adds depth to your narrative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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