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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world and the table displays the income of different businesses in the nation in 2007 and 2008.

The bar chart shows the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world and the table displays the income of different businesses in the nation in 2007 and 2008.
#bar #tourists #country #x #parts #world #displays #income #businesses #nation
The bar chart indicates the
number
 of foreigners
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 to X from different nations of the world and the table
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
much
income
 of different businesses in 2007 and 2008.
Overall
, the
number
 of
visitors
 from different countries visiting X in 2007
are dominating
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
 in 2007 compared to 2008,
as well as
severasl
Correct your spelling
severe
 tourism industry
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
 higher
income
 in 2007
as a result
. The highest
number
 of tourists from Europe,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and Canada, China and Japan, and Australia were in 2007. There
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 around 3000
thousandss
Correct your spelling
thousands
thousand
 of Chinese and Japanese people visiting X country in 2007 which was the biggest
number
 of
visitors
. The rest
passangers
Correct your spelling
passengers
 from Europe,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Canada, and Australia were between 2000 and 3000
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 2007.
However
, in 2008 the
visitors
 mostly came from Australia with more than 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people. Followed by China and Japan with 2 millions of tourists. Meanwhile, Europe and US and Canada were no more than 1
illionss
Correct your spelling
millions
 of
visitors
. Some of the tourism industries
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasonable
income
 in 2007 where the highest annual
income
 was in 2007.
Especially hotel
Rephrase
Hotel
show examples
 and
resort
Fix the agreement mistake
resorts
show examples
were manage
Change the verb form
managed
show examples
 to earn seven times
annual
Correct article usage
the annual
show examples
income
 in 2007 compared to 2008, which was 3.5 million dollars. The same trends were
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 as well for the rest industries which
were earn
Change the verb form
earned
show examples
 higher
income
 in 2007 rather than
2008
Change preposition
in 2008
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, income, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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