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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagram below show the results of a survey from Taiwan explaining how students wanting to study overseas, chose a university from 1998-2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the results of a survey from Taiwan explaining how students wanting to study overseas, chose a university from 1998-2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #taiwan #students #study #university #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table depicts the results survey percentages of choosing
university
 of male and female
students
 in Taiwan who
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to study abroad
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1998 to 2008.
Overall
, the average percentages of male and female standards in choosing
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 were not immensely different.
Moreover
, male
students
 considered increasing choosing their
university
 based on
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of tuition and location,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had more typical
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 by
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
.
Also
, the female
students
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standards decrease in three aspects,
whereas
 the male had six.
To begin
, the male
students
 who
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 a
university
 based on
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
cost
 of tuition and location
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1998 to 2008 were highly increased from 88% to 97% and 18% to 32% respectively.
On the contrary
,
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 had more
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 rise in selecting a
university
 based on five aspects namely
cost
 of tuition (93% to 95%), location (11% to 25%), modern teaching facilities (72% to 76%), quality of teachers (5% to 7%), and
cost
 of accommodation (91% to 93%).
On the other hand
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1998 to 2008, both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 decreased in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 aspects of choosing a
university
.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
 had lessened percentages in
university
 ranking (97% to 95%), modern teaching facilities (66% to 42%), good language support (73% to 61%), quality of teachers (13% to 6%),
cost
 of accommodation (92% to 86%), modern teaching methods (8% to 7%).
While
, female
students
 were less
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 to choose a
university
 abroad in ranking (100% to 90%), good language support (39% to 21%), and modern teaching methods (5% to 2%).
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words university, students, cost with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
▼

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