IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both and give your opinion.

#activity #impact #plants #animals #world #people #actions #change
To begin
 with,
this
 issue is actually hard to overcome because we need to take over the habitats of other creatures almost every time.
For example
, we need to cut trees to
producing
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 wooden
products
 like chairs. Another example is that we sometimes need to do deforestation to build houses, roads and other buildings.
As a result
, they will lose their habitat which may lead them to be extinct.
In particular
, a lot of species are suffering from the rubbish, especially plastic. Creatures in the sea like whales frequently die because they eat too much plastic
products
. The problem is that we do not have other options except throwing it away on the sea.
This
 is because they will produce toxic gas once they are combusted.
Thus
, dumping them into the sea might be the safest way to protect us. On top of
this
, there is the fact that
people
 may take after the environment. By
this
 I mean,
people
 might think about themself, so they do not pay attention to the demerits which are given to nature by them.
This
 problem is considered that it is not likely to be solved in the future unless there is a significant change in our thoughts
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the environment. Even so, we still have some solutions to make
this
 situation better. One of them is that we can reduce the amount of waste that we can throw away. A major example of
this
 is regulation.
people
 might pay attention to their behaviour
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the government makes a strict rule which
let
Wrong verb form
lets
show examples
people
 pay $2000.
This
 does not have to be the regulation. It can be advertisements, but the claim that not everyone will be affected is the problem. Another thing is that we recycle them.
In other words
, we can reduce the amount of damage which we give to nature by using environmentally friendly
products
.
For instance
, straws which are made of crops
such
 as corn can be used
instead
 of plastic ones. In fact, recycling is
also
 good in terms of our lifestyle because we can reduce the amount of payment by using
products
 again. On top of
this
, a lot of
people
 claim that waste will be improved in the future because of technology. In reality, cars become electric rather than
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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Provide more explanation and analysis of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and flow of your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar errors. Use proper verb tenses and sentence structures to convey your ideas clearly.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • extinct
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitat destruction
  • mitigate
  • reverse
  • stricter regulations
  • protected areas
  • endangered species
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • biodiversity
  • consequences
  • renewable energy sources
  • organic farming
  • eco-tourism
  • environmental regulations
  • sustainable practices
  • natural ecosystems
  • preserve biodiversity
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