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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #cement- #process #cement #purposes
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The above pie chart
as well as
Linking Words
 table shows the degradation of agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 and its causes, where were affected three regions of the world by deforestation, over-grazing, over-cultivation and it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
 destroyed by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 which were not mentioned. In
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
,
overall
Linking Words
 the data illustrate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-grazing, over-cultivation and deforestation was the main source of desertification which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affected the group of regions in North
Am erica
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
,
Europe
Correct word choice
and Europe
show examples
 along
along
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
wioth
Correct your spelling
with
oceania
Change the capitalization
Oceania
show examples
. In comparison,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both diagram interprets that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overgrazing is the main cause of
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 deterioration which were around 35% and it
also
Linking Words
 affected 11.3% of
land
Use synonyms
 in the region of
oceania
Change the capitalization
Oceania
show examples
,
in
Linking Words
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 5.5% of
land
Use synonyms
 in
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
 country were destroyed.
Whereas
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 main cause of
declination
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 was deforestation (30%) which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 9.8% of
decadence
Correct article usage
the decadence
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced by the
Europians
Correct your spelling
Europeans
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, destruction
happened
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by over-cultivation and other unknown
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
were also impacted
were also impacting
show examples
also
Linking Words
 impact the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in Europe (7.7%) and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
North America (3.3%).
Thus
Linking Words
 the
overall
Linking Words
 results pointed
that
Change preposition
out that
show examples
 23% of
europians
Replace the word
the European
show examples
 region were cultivated
land
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 degraded.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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What to do next:
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