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Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #cement- #process #cement #purposes
The above pie chart
as well as
 table shows the degradation of agricultural
land
 and its causes, where were affected three regions of the world by deforestation, over-grazing, over-cultivation and it
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
 destroyed by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 which were not mentioned. In
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
,
overall
 the data illustrate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-grazing, over-cultivation and deforestation was the main source of desertification which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affected the group of regions in North
Am erica
Correct your spelling
America
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,
Europe
Correct word choice
and Europe
show examples
 along
along
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
wioth
Correct your spelling
with
oceania
Change the capitalization
Oceania
show examples
. In comparison,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both diagram interprets that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overgrazing is the main cause of
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 deterioration which were around 35% and it
also
 affected 11.3% of
land
 in the region of
oceania
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Oceania
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,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
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 5.5% of
land
 in
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
 country were destroyed.
Whereas
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
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 main cause of
declination
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 was deforestation (30%) which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 9.8% of
decadence
Correct article usage
the decadence
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced by the
Europians
Correct your spelling
Europeans
.
Furthermore
, destruction
happened
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by over-cultivation and other unknown
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
were also impacted
were also impacting
show examples
also
 impact the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in Europe (7.7%) and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
North America (3.3%).
Thus
 the
overall
 results pointed
that
Change preposition
out that
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 23% of
europians
Replace the word
the European
show examples
 region were cultivated
land
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 degraded.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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