The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement- making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
The above pie chart
as well as
table shows the degradation of agricultural
land
and its causes, where were affected three regions of the world by deforestation, over-grazing, over-cultivation and it
also
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was also
show examples
destroyed by
other
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others
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which were not mentioned. In
1990s
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the 1990s
show examples
,
overall
the data illustrate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-grazing, over-cultivation and deforestation was the main source of desertification which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affected the group of regions in North
Am erica
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
,
Europe
Correct word choice
and Europe
show examples
along
along
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apply
show examples
wioth
Correct your spelling
with
oceania
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Oceania
show examples
. In comparison,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both diagram interprets that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overgrazing is the main cause of
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
deterioration which were around 35% and it
also
affected 11.3% of
land
in the region of
oceania
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Oceania
show examples
,
in
addition
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addition,
show examples
5.5% of
land
in
europe
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Europe
show examples
country were destroyed.
Whereas
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
main cause of
declination
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decline
show examples
was deforestation (30%) which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
9.8% of
decadence
Correct article usage
the decadence
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced by the
Europians
Correct your spelling
Europeans
.
Furthermore
, destruction
happened
Verb problem
caused
show examples
by over-cultivation and other unknown
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
were also impacted
were also impacting
show examples
also
impact the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
in Europe (7.7%) and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
North America (3.3%).
Thus
the
overall
results pointed
that
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out that
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23% of
europians
Replace the word
the European
show examples
region were cultivated
land
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
degraded.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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