Some people believe that children l's leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
day and age,
education
can be acknowledged as the most crucial part for youngsters, which takes priority over everything else for their parents to secure a good opportunity for employment for their
children
. They think that it is really essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
to access
education
, even during leisure
time
. I firmly believe that it is
also
important for
children
to relax through other physical
activities
after a long
time
of focusing on studying. On the one hand,
children
should spend more
time
focusing on their passion, and they can get more opportunities in their future careers if they have a
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
degree.
This
leads to the numerous schools that have created an environment for
children
to access the best educational foundation, which could be extremely necessary for their employment in the future.
For example
, many organisations tend to create a large number of places that contain many
activities
related to
education
that bring
children
the best of their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
even in their free
time
.
As a result
,
children
probably get lots of information and knowledge that contribute to their educational performance at school.
On the other hand
,
children
sometimes need free
time
to spend on their own. First of all,
children
can use their joyful
time
to go out or play, and even extracurricular
activities
can not only improve their mental health but
also
maintain their physical growth.
For example
, if they play volleyball or any of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
sports, they can learn lessons about teamwork values, group skills, and leadership responsibility.
Therefore
, if parents think that their
children
will learn only if they study during their free
time
, by participating in these
activities
, students can know their inner abilities, have a chance to discover more about themselves, and improve their potential skills. It is not totally useless if
children
spend their free
time
doing these
activities
. It could be a useful
time
for
children
to get the chance to know more about their abilities and strengths. In conclusion,providing educational
activities
is a good idea for
children
to study.
Nevertheless
, extracurricular
activities
are
also
necessary for the comprehensive development of
children
. We should not force
children
to spend their free
time
. It is better to decide on their own what suits them the most.
Submitted by ngocbich.av.lv2 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences for each main point in the body paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use more diverse vocabulary and vary sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Watch out for subject-verb agreement errors and use appropriate verb tenses.

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