IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that all popular TV programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #programmes #aim #viewers
Some
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that famous
TV
 programmes are much more important
to educate
Change preposition
in educating
show examples
 youngsters about today's
problems
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. I completely agree with
this
 view, because in
this
 developing
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 young
people
 should be aware of the
last
issues
 of the public and even though they ought to try to find solutions
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive way. On the one hand, there are two reasons why
TV
 programmes should avoid
to show
Change the verb form
showing
show examples
 the
country
's inner conflicts. First of all,
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not ready yet to understand that kind of significant
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
. Because their mind is not developed enough to realize what is expressing the main problem when they are still exploring the environment for themselves.
TV
 shows should display plenty of entertainment programmes that
devoted
Add a missing verb
are devoted
show examples
expand
Wrong verb form
to expanding
show examples
 the horizon of the younger generation rather than
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
issues
.
Moreover
, the patriots who are dedicated their life
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working want to relax from exciting shows. The programs that
conveys
Change the verb form
convey
show examples
 social
problems
 lead to not only
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
questions which have no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
precise answers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 might lead to overthinking and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level of stress among the citizens who are public servants.
On the other hand
, there are two main aspects as to why a
country
 should illustrate
TV
 shows addressing the key societal
issues
. Admittedly, the younger generation in
society
 can gain competence through watching
TV
 programs that address societal
issues
 in their daily lives. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good way to attract young
people
 to orientate to find ideas that acquire
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
problems
.
Country
Correct article usage
A country
show examples
 can achieve their aims with
this
 approach and
also
 that
country
 may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
flavourish
Correct your spelling
flourish
flavours
society
.
Besides
 that,
people
 can contribute to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 or
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about significant
problems
 which hold the
country
 back from development with the aid of
TV
 programs. Because it is
easier
Add an article
an easier
show examples
 way to teach
people
such
 kind of
that major
Change the determiner
that major problem
those major problems
show examples
problems
 which is related to
society
 with media
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 and online news.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 to understand the main root of the
problems
 and can try to give their own ideas to solve the
issues
.
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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